IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #equality #genders #progress
According to some
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
men
 and
women
 both are considered equal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society while others believe that, still there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 progression to attain
this
 equality. I completely agree with those who claim that efforts are still required to completely demolish
this
Add a hyphen
gender-based
show examples
gender based
Add a hyphen
gender-based
show examples
 inequality. Some people claim that in
this
 modernised world, there is no more disparity regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
.
This
 is because nowadays,
women
 have made a lot of progress in all the fields
such
 as army, aerospace and certain sports
such
 as boxing which were predominated by
men
 in the past years.
Moreover
, due to
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 literacy
rate
Add a comma
,rate
show examples
 there is no
gender
 discrimination . To illustrate, in a survey in France, it was found that presently, there are more
women
 pilots as compared to
men
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 considered as completely a male
dominant
Replace the word
dominated
show examples
 profession in the back days.
Therefore
, raised education levels have made it possible to
Correct your spelling
achieve
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
this
 equality in the
gender
.
On the other hand
, many believe that still a lot of
progression
Change to a plural noun
progressions
show examples
 is required pertaining to
this
 aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To elaborate, in many nations, people still think that few tasks are only made for
women
such
 as household chores.
In addition
 to
this
, in many countries
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 there is a disparity between a boy and a girl when they are born.
For instance
, in many parts of India,
birth
Add an article
the birth
show examples
 of a boy is considered much better and
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
show examples
 as compared to a girl child. Henceforth,
spread
Add an article
the spread
show examples
 of awareness is still required in
this
 matter to diminish
this
discripancy
Correct your spelling
discrepancy
 forever. To
conculde
Correct your spelling
conclude
, there is no doubt that
presently
Replace the word
present
show examples
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nations
women
 are considered equally as
men
.
However
, I believe that in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the developing countries
this
 disparity is prevalent and
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of efforts are required to mitigate
this
 issue for the betterment of society as well as
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.
Submitted by drvishal13 on

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