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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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According to some
people
Add a comma
,people
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 both are considered equal in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society while others believe that, still there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 progression to attain
this
Linking Words
 equality. I completely agree with those who claim that efforts are still required to completely demolish
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
Add a hyphen
gender-based
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gender based
Add a hyphen
gender-based
show examples
 inequality. Some people claim that in
this
Linking Words
 modernised world, there is no more disparity regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because nowadays,
women
Use synonyms
 have made a lot of progress in all the fields
such
Linking Words
 as army, aerospace and certain sports
such
Linking Words
 as boxing which were predominated by
men
Use synonyms
 in the past years.
Moreover
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, due to
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 literacy
rate
Add a comma
,rate
show examples
 there is no
gender
Use synonyms
 discrimination . To illustrate, in a survey in France, it was found that presently, there are more
women
Use synonyms
 pilots as compared to
men
Use synonyms
 which
was
Change the verb form
were
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 considered as completely a male
dominant
Replace the word
dominated
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 profession in the back days.
Therefore
Linking Words
, raised education levels have made it possible to
Correct your spelling
achieve
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
this
Linking Words
 equality in the
gender
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many believe that still a lot of
progression
Change to a plural noun
progressions
show examples
 is required pertaining to
this
Linking Words
 aspect of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To elaborate, in many nations, people still think that few tasks are only made for
women
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as household chores.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, in many countries
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
 there is a disparity between a boy and a girl when they are born.
For instance
Linking Words
, in many parts of India,
birth
Add an article
the birth
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 of a boy is considered much better and
positive
Correct quantifier usage
more positive
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 as compared to a girl child. Henceforth,
spread
Add an article
the spread
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 of awareness is still required in
this
Linking Words
 matter to diminish
this
Linking Words
discripancy
Correct your spelling
discrepancy
 forever. To
conculde
Correct your spelling
conclude
, there is no doubt that
presently
Replace the word
present
show examples
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nations
women
Use synonyms
 are considered equally as
men
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the developing countries
this
Linking Words
 disparity is prevalent and
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of efforts are required to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 issue for the betterment of society as well as
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
.

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