IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the future, people many no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen in one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

There is a possibility that paying by
card
Use synonyms
 or using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
 will be the only option for buying a product.
This
Linking Words
 essay states that with an increasing number of modern ways of payments, denying cash method seems real to be implemented
although
Linking Words
 society will not be satisfied with
this
Linking Words
 rule
due to
Linking Words
 some age groups who will suffer from limitations.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advanced tools help individuals finish the process of buying in a short period of time.
In other words
Linking Words
, thanks to digitalization, humans do not have to wait for the return of the remains,
instead
Linking Words
 complete the operation within 5 seconds by scanning the
card
Use synonyms
 or by means of applications on smartphones.
For instance
Linking Words
, it is much easier to attach a digital wallet to the phone and pay with the NFC than to store money in a pocket.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, persons under 18 years old will find it arduous to obtain their own online wallet.
That is
Linking Words
, because of the policies in most states, it is not permitted to obtain a personal credit
card
Use synonyms
 until a mature age, and it will cause kids to be restricted from buying meals from markets. As an example, in Azerbaijan, if the adolescent is looking forward to receiving a visa
card
Use synonyms
, he will have an opportunity to request
this
Linking Words
 after the age of 18.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the change in the payment system is inevitable, it will lead to issues with kids and teenagers who will not have a chance to be involved in the beneficial development.

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task achievement
Consider adding more details or examples to support your arguments. For instance, in the paragraph discussing the issues faced by under-18s, you could elaborate on potential solutions or alternative payment methods that could be introduced to help this group.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on its main point. Sometimes the connection between sentences can be improved to enhance the overall flow of ideas. Using linking words can help in this regard.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check for small grammatical errors and phrasing to improve clarity. For instance, the phrase 'denying cash method' could be more clearly expressed.
strength
You introduced the topic well and provided a clear argument about the inevitability of cashless payments.
strength
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both the advantages of cashless payments and the challenges faced by certain groups.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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