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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think the government funding should not be used for supporting art and culture, others think supporting cultural activities may be beneficial for the population and the culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

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Several individuals think that
art
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 and
culture
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 should not be supported using public funds. Others think that if cultural
activities
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 are supported, the population and the
culture
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 may benefit. I strongly agree with the after statement because of some major reasons that I shall explain in more detail in
this
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 essay. On one hand, it is believed that government funding should be invested in helping the poor, the disabled, the elderly, and other people from disadvantaged situations
instead
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 of
art
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 and
culture
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 because they are not essential elements in life.
Art
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 and
culture
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 are available in the world to those who have a high quality of life.
Thus
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art
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 and
culture
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 should be pay by private finance. To illustrate, if a rich person wants to get a wealthy artwork, he or she will pay a large amount of money to get it.
On the other hand
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, I believe that if the authority invests in cultural
activities
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, it may bring benefits to the president and
culture
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 because they are hosted frequently.
Moreover
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, they are very cheap or free for participants. Eventually, there will be more people joining these
activities
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. Not only is it a great opportunity for the population to socialize in a wholesome way, but it
also
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 helps a nation preserve its
culture
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.
For instance
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, in Japan, if females wear kimonos, the traditional clothes of Japan, they will get an amount of money.
This
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 motivates the Japanese to wear kimonos and get attention from tourists. In conclusion, allowing publishing resources on
art
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 and
culture
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 is not as important as other societal issues, but supporting cultural
activities
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 might help people access them easily

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Language Accuracy
Be careful with the usage of words and make sure you are using them correctly. For instance, 'after statement' should be 'latter statement'.
Argument Balance
Try to maintain the balance between both sides of the argument before stating your personal opinion. This will show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Grammar & Typos
Double-check for minor grammatical errors and typos to further polish your essay.
Providing Examples
Explore expanding your examples further to strengthen your arguments. Detailed examples make your standpoint more robust.
Argument Clarity
Your essay effectively outlines your viewpoint and justifies it with relevant examples.
Introduction & Conclusion
You did a great job introducing the topic and concluding your essay. The introduction sets up the topic well, and the conclusion neatly wraps up your discussion.
Structure
Your essay follows a logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
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