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Band 5

Wild animals have no place in the21st century, and the protection is a waste of resources. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#animals #place #st #century #protection #waste #resources
Natural places for living
animals
 are
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 essential part of
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 to balance the ecosystem,so, It has been
became
Change the verb form
becoming
become
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the controversial
opinions
Fix the agreement mistake
opinion
show examples
 among people that
protecting
Replace the word
protection
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the areas which
animals
 would live there as their habitant is not
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our responsibility as a human big in
this
 century ,so ,
this
 statement has been ignoring that recovery the
animals
recidential
Correct your spelling
residential
 areas is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
useless for communities and these expenses must be removed . I definitely agree with the other side to believe the recovery of natural places for
animals
 must be
Correct your spelling
considered
cosidered
Correct your spelling
considered
 in the plan of each country . I am going to give some
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 in
this
 regard to support my statement.
First
, Life is a dynamic process among all
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of nature ,
for example
 ,flowers need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
bees
 for pollination and
bees
 feed
from
Change the preposition
on
show examples
 their nectar and pollen ,
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 that they will be intended to build a house which is
an organic
Remove the article
organic food
a portion of organic food
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food
 that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to cure many disorders
,
Remove the comma
apply
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when human remove the garden and replace it by the factory ,all process will
be vanished
Change to the active voice
vanish
have vanished
show examples
.
Second
,Like
bees
 and other pollinators , butterflies pick up the flower's nectar and pollinate the plant species .About
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
 of the
food
 people eat depends on the pollinators.So, if they have no suitable places for living ,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
food
 resources
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been gradually decreased ,so, the famine is the result of these unprotecting.
As a result
 , throughout the
secure
Add a comma
,secure
show examples
 the lands for living
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 help human
bieng
Correct your spelling
being
beings
 on the earth with some indirect causality
such
 as
food
 resources which have produced by honey
bees
 and butterflies.
Finally
 , I would stress we must reach the perception of nature and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a proper role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because It is so necessary for human
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
lif
Correct your spelling
life
show examples
 as a part of
this
 planet.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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