IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The increasing use of technology in the workplace has made it easier for young people to find jobs and harder for older people to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Technology usage in workplaces is rising which creates more job opportunities for the young generation
instead
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for
Correct word choice
of for
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 individuals from the old period. I thoroughly agree with the statement because modern people are born in a technological era
as a result
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 get more exposure to technology than older ones. The main cause that makes youngsters able to grab technology-related work is quality education among technological knowledge
such
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 as study through online apps and internet-connected devices.
This
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 enables them to understand online data
withalong
Correct word choice
along with
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 information in the professional workplace automatically. Opposite
this
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, in old age, one cannot learn technological information abruptly because they
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 to do tasks on paper files and typewriters.
For example
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, a young person can type fast and know several quick features to complete virtual presentations on time makes them finish multiple tasks at once. 
While
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 people from the senior generation who use traditional ways of writing
such
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 as typing on a typewriter and collecting documents in heaps of files are unable to focus on more than one task. Even though aged people have knowledge and experience from many years.
Besides
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in
this
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fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
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 life, one needs to learn how to operate technical devices. To illustrate,
according to
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 a survey published in
New
Correct article usage
the New
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 York
Time
Replace the word
Times
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 newspaper, 85 per cent of jobs will be based in the field of technology in the future.
This
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 means the young community realize the importance of technological advances and gets success in their careers by replacing experienced and mature workers.  To summarize, I fully agree that youth
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
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 more work options than the old age generation
due to
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 their skills in automation. It will serve long-term benefits to them by fetching reliable jobs
due to
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 the high future scope of an online working environment.
Therefore
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, to match today's competitive era old workers need to update their conventional style of working.

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coherence cohesion
Provide a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame the essay. Ensure that your supporting points are well-developed and logically connected.
task achievement
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