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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some commentators feel that grandparents should live together with their children and grandchildren, while others say that elderly people should be encourage to live independently. Consider the possible arguments on both sides of this debate, and reach your own conclusion.

#commentators #grandparents #children #grandchildren #people #arguments #debate #conclusion
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Some interpreters hold
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 view that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 should be independent and live
Change preposition
on
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by
Correct your spelling
my
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own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
, others put forward the argument that it is better for old
people
Use synonyms
 to live with their family members. There are some reasons for both groups which are mentioned below. On the one hand, having lived with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 loved ones, grandparents could have
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
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 and
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
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 mood. Simply put, old
people
Use synonyms
similar
Correct word choice
and similar
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other
Change preposition
to other
show examples
 creatures need love and affection to be in a good mood. So being close to grandchildren makes them cheerful which leads to mental and physical health and security. Take your grandparents as an example; the more you talk and tell
Add an article
a joke
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joke
Fix the agreement mistake
jokes
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 with them, the more they are healthy and glad. Scientists discovered that the elderly who live together with their
children
Use synonyms
 and grandchildren do not suffer from dementia as much as those who live alone.
Therefore
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, if we tend to have happy and
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
 seniors, living with
Correct your spelling
each other
eachother
Correct your spelling
each other
 in one place is inevitable.
On the other hand
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, living with family members might have some drawbacks for both grandparents and their loved ones.
That is
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 to say, these elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are not
self determining
Add a hyphen
self-determining
show examples
 due to being helped and supported by others with their personal affairs. A good illustration of
this
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 is
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 occasions on which they need to go to the drugstore to get their necessary medicine; on these
opportunities
Add a comma
,opportunities
show examples
 they are able to meet other peers and make friends
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
improve their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
In addition
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, sometimes their
children
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 are busy at work and have to work around the clock, so
children
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 are highly unlikely to be able to take care of their old parents.
As a result
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,
this
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 matter is a huge burden for family members as well. In conclusion, in my point of view,
although
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 living with your own kids and grandchildren may be almost the best way of living, owing to a couple of downsides it can not be a suitable approach for both parents and
children
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by m2010.science on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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