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Band 4

some cities create new housing for their growing population by constructing a smaller number of high-rise buildings. other cities create more of low-rise building. which solution is better. in your opinion?

#cities #population #buildings #low-rise
The growing population leads cities to build more houses. Some people think, it is better to have more low-rise buildings
while
on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 others argue, that skyscrapers are better. I completely opine that a flat is a better solution. To embark, to advance a convincing theory I could deal with, pollution. High-rise buildings have many people inside them which leads to traffic, air and noise pollution.
For instance
, it was written in a report, that In China
this
 leads to tons of garbage daily
as well as
 noise pollution.
In addition
 to what I have just said, it will grow the city vertically
instead
 of horizontally. Another feature which I could mention is, in
low-rise
Correct article usage
a low-rise
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Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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building
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building,
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 you will have the chance to have a quiet and
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 neighbourhood.
Also
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Also,
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 a garden of your own which cause a beautiful
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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.
Additionally
, the size of the house is bigger
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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For example
, in
Dubai
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Dubai,
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 there are many skyscrapers downtown that are really expensive and houses in the vicinity of Dubai which is much bigger and cheaper.
Although
 houses have many advantages, apartments have different facilities too. They have huge parking, gym, café, supermarket and a place to protect children. On top of that, individuals will be closer to their workplace. They only need to use public transportation.
As a consequence
, the city will be smaller and reaching your destination will be faster.
To conclude
, all in all, on the grounds that home will lead to the expanded city, it will cause a bigger place for that population.
Submitted by s.pantea.rahnama on

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task response
Address the prompt more directly and provide a balanced view of both options.
coherence cohesion
The overall logical structure is weak. Work on organizing your ideas more cohesively; use transition words and connective phrases.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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