IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison. Do you agree or disagree

#countries #people #crimes #community #service* #prison #sentence #crime
It is common that most countries use people with
light
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a light
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 criminal
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
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 to participate in public services. Even though some believe that every convict should
sentenced
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be sentenced
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 to prison
against
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for
show examples
 their
crimes
, I would argue that it is essential to utilise them in communical
activities
 for a greater benefit.
Firstly
, sentencing all offenders
into
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to
show examples
an
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apply
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imprisonment will make them anxious and
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
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.
This
 is because it allows them to interact and socialise with
other prisoner
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another prisoner
other prisoners
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whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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charged
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are charged
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 with serious
crimes
such
 as organized
crimes
 and murder will impose
a
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apply
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certain negativity on mentality.
For example
, an athlete
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
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involved
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is involved
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 with a minor case of the drug may ultimately end up developing connections with convicts and might later absorb into crime rings.
In contrast
, if
such
lighter charged
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lighter-charged
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individual
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individuals
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used
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are used
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 in social
activities
instead
, it will be more beneficial for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society and
such
 will improve their mind positively avoid
involving
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in
such
 bad
activities
further
.
On the other hand
,
instead
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ofinstead
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 developing correction facilities the related funding,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could be used
in
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for
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 public welfare
such
 as health care, education and social security as it is expensive to maintain correction facilities for every offender out of the government’s money. As a consequence, more taxpayer money will be needed in order to
servicing
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service
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 and
expanding
Wrong verb form
expand
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 prisons.
However
, if increase the use felons of
lighter
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for lighter
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crimes
 in welfare
activities
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be beneficial for the national economy by saving expenses as well
by
Correct word choice
as
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 having free labour throughout to use
in
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for
show examples
 public benefit. In conclusion, even though some believe that prison is the ultimate destiny for any breach of law and order, it is my firm belief that utilising offenders in social and communal
activities
 will develop their attitudes and will benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the economy in many ways.
Submitted by s.pantea.rahnama on

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