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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should obey rules and listen to their parents and teachers; Some others believe that less control will help children deal with their adult life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #control #adult #life
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The approach to raising
children
 may vary from person to person.
While
 some argue parents and teachers should guide and regulate
children
, others believe that
children
’s
future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
show examples
 will be more fruitful if they have more
control
 at
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both notions and explain why I lean more toward the latter. Those who support
children
 obeying the rules and receiving guidance from
adults
 have two main arguments. First of all, rules are regulated so that every citizen, including
children
, has to follow and do the proper things. Without obeying them, youngsters may behave poorly or even commit wrongdoings and become prisoners. Another argument is that parents and teachers are more experienced in many aspects of life, and they should guide and advise
children
 on those big decisions like choosing schools or majors. Others,
however
, myself included, feel that it is better for
children
 to gain more
control
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There are two reasons for
this
. The youngsters take more responsibility means they are the ones who make the final decisions in many cases which will mature them in their upbringing.
This
 action will make the
children
 more independent when they grow up. They could,
furthermore
, learn and explore many new things by themselves without the restrictions of
adults
.
This
 means that the
children
 can become the best version of themselves when they turn into
adults
. Clearly, no strict
control
 from
adults
 is a better approach to raising
children
. In conclusion, I think it is best for
children
 to gain more
control
 in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 without
adults
 interfering too much with their guidance.
Submitted by jakedth162 on

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coherence cohesion
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively frame your discussion. Well done!
task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic effectively with relevant arguments. Make sure to provide more specific examples to support your main points for a stronger argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Discipline
  • Autonomy
  • Independency
  • Creativity
  • Conformity
  • Rebelliousness
  • Maturation
  • Guidance
  • Cognitive development
  • Protector
  • Evaluator
  • Boundaries
  • Negotiation
  • Empowerment
  • Self-discipline
  • Regulatory guidelines
  • Flexibility
  • Adaptation
  • Socio-emotional skills
  • Decision-making process
  • Moral compass
  • Real-world challenges
  • Controlled environment
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