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Writing Samples
Band 4

People are surrounded by advertising, which has an increasing effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?

#people #effect #lives #effects #outweigh
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In
this
Linking Words
 consumerist world, advertisement
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 an indispensable part
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 humans that surrounds them through its attractive products which ultimately affect
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Change to a genitive case
individual's
show examples
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
. I strongly believe that
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 positive
consequences
Correct the article-noun agreement
consequence
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon
is definitely outweigh
Change the verb form
definitely outweigh
show examples
 the negative effects. On the one hand, adverts become a part of modern society and it has merits too.
First
Linking Words
 of all, it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 various choices to
people
Use synonyms
 which might not possible without ads.
Also
Linking Words
, it opens the door for many unemployed
people
Use synonyms
, so that they could achieve their dreams
as a result
Linking Words
.
For instance
Linking Words
, In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
developed countries many companies
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 advertised
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
certain products which
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobless
Add an article
a jobless
the jobless
show examples
 person.
Thus
Linking Words
, it is the most crucial part for every citizen.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, attractive banners generate drawbacks too. It manipulates
people
Use synonyms
 through its glamorous posters which
attracts
Change the verb form
attract
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 towards
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to buy that product.
In addition
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, it
also
Linking Words
influence
Change the verb form
influences
show examples
 teenagers in a massive amount through
an innovative designs
Correct the article-noun agreement
an innovative design
innovative designs
show examples
such
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 as cartoons and stickers which persuade them to purchase
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
put
Change the verb form
puts
show examples
 a huge pressure on parents from their children to buy
latest
Change the article
the latest
show examples
 item which is available in the supermarket
as a result
Linking Words
. In conclusion, there are many disadvantages of advertisement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, but the positive effects
such
Linking Words
 as availability of choices and employment
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
far outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its demerits.
Submitted by mauliksodvadiya on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • purchasing decisions
  • impulsive buying
  • materialism
  • economic growth
  • competition and innovation
  • personal finances
  • information dissemination
  • misleading information
  • cultural norms
  • societal values
  • diversity
  • social causes
  • stereotypes
  • unrealistic standards
  • psychological effects
  • mental fatigue
  • stress
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