IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

#technology #people #viewpoints
Some
people
 perceive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
automation as "the binding agent" for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans whereas others witness it as a way to separate them from each other.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computerization has bonded
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 together, in my opinion, some of its daunting features
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 made
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lives apart. On the
one
 hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology does play
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital role in communication
Correct your spelling
because
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 it has bestowed
upon
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many benefits.
Firstly
, there is no barrier left for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication thereby bringing the world to
one
 place.
Thus
, the
boundry
Correct your spelling
boundary
 limitation has disappeared successfully.
For instance
, Facebook,
Whatsapp
Correct word choice
and Whatsapp
show examples
 has allowed
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 users to remain connected 24 x 7. Eventually, there is a sense of belongingness.
Secondly
, professionals are able to conduct their conference calls online without travelling physically to remote or foreign areas.
This
 has led to
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 and expansion of their business.
For example
, Skype has offered a Pro version dedicated
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Professionals and the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of Skype users
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing day by day.
On the other hand
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
telecommunication and applied science has actually distanced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans from
one
 another making them lonely, because of the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
lack of physical touch involved in the conveyance, and I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it.
One
 major challenge of mechanized transmission is the absence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
body language that plays a pivotal role during
talk
Add an article
the talk
show examples
.
Hence
,
one
 cannot really develop
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
interpersonal skills and fail as a team player. To give an example, there are so many suicides being attempted by not only celebrities but
also
 by
common
Add an article
the common
a common
show examples
 man. Another issue is,
Correct word choice
that many
show examples
many a times
Correct the article-noun agreement
many times
many a time
show examples
 a false identity is
Correct your spelling
portrayed
portryed
Correct your spelling
portrayed
 on social media. That makes others
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be envious of you and gives birth to mental disorders.
Consequently
, the
Correct your spelling
exchange
change
echange
Correct your spelling
exchange
 of thoughts between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 of them comes to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 minimum. In conclusion, many
people
 think that the new technology has offered a feature to remain cohesive, some
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 assert that it actually destroys the cohort. In my opinion, though recent electronics
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been a boon for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 to remain connected,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
it has
also
 separated human lives from each other.
Submitted by mamta2310 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
What to do next:
Look at other essays: