IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
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These days, many processed foods and drinks are created with sugar and
this
Linking Words
 leads to many health issues. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, to reduce the impact, sugar-packed
products
Use synonyms
 should
be sell
Change the verb form
be sold
be selling
show examples
 at a higher
price
Use synonyms
.
To begin
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 with, it is natural for
people
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 to choose their cuisines based on
price
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, but
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 some
cases
Add a comma
,cases
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 they should
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of how much they eat. The low
price
Use synonyms
 of sugary foods and drinks may be one factor that many
people
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 overconsume.
For example
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, in Indonesia, the
price
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 of a can
soda
Change preposition
of soda
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 is only under Rp7.000 or equivalent to 0,5
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 tend to have two or even five bottles in one day. If government implement
high-calories
Correct article usage
a high-calories
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 goods tax policy, it could be effective to prevent obesity for young
people
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 since these groups are
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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 consumer of low-
price
Use synonyms
 sweetened beverages.
Moreover
Linking Words
, making high-sugar
products
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 more expensive can be
health
Correct article usage
a health
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 campaign to choose food wisely.
This
Linking Words
 is because the prices of
products
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 increase to some level which
people
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 cannot afford, they may change to foodstuff that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 high in minerals in their bodies.
For instance
Linking Words
, a box of chocolate cookies or biscuits tariff only two times the cost of low-calories crackers, it would be great to choose which have
same
Change the article
the same
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 amount to satisfy
in
Change preposition
during
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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snack time. The low sugar goods
much
Add a missing verb
are much
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 healthier
since
Change preposition
than
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 natural ingredients. In conclusion, high-sugar beverages should be made more expensive to reduce sugar consumption. With some government regulation and company awareness, it will thrive
people
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 to select high vitamins and minerals
products
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as said by an old friend, over-consume a thing has bad impacts.
Submitted by damaspandya on

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