IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Nowadays, people believe that the environment influences their accomplishments. Some people think their success and accomplishment were influenced by the places where they grew up. Do you think the environment does or does not affect people’s accomplishment and how it affects?

#people #environment #influences #accomplishments #success #accomplishment #places #people’s
The two charts illustrate the electrical equipment ownership and the information on time used to do chores in a country from 1920 to 2019. Units are measured in percentage of households and
number
 of
hours
 per week respectively. It is apparent that there was the most difference in the
number
 of refrigerators which were owned by the households.
Moreover
, the
number
 of house-working
hours
 per week was a sharp decline over the period shown in the charts.
To begin
 with the percentage of households with electrical equipment, refrigerators and vacuum cleaners started from zero and 30% respectively in 1920. While refrigerators were a significant rise to 100% in 1980, vacuum cleaners rose dramatically to 100% in 2000. After ,that both of them became steady and equal in 2000.
Furthermore
, the washing machines occupied 40% in 1920 and were a gradual increase to 60% in 1960.
However
, there was a slight decrease to 65% in 1980 and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a minimal increase to just over 70% in 2019. Moving to the
number
 of
hours
 per week per household, it started from 50
hours
 in 1920 and decreased sharply until 1980 whereas it remained stable in 20 years after and
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased gradually to 10
hours
 in 2019.
Submitted by katemanee.ud on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: