IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that international sporting events are the ideal opportunity to show the world the qualities of the hosting nation. Others believe that these events are mainly a large unjustifiable expense. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #events #opportunity #show #world #qualities #nation #expense
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Hosting international sporting
events
Use synonyms
 is an ideal way to gain global attention.
However
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, some
people
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 believe that these
events
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 are just
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of money. I partially agree with both statements and in
this
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 ,
essay
Add an article
an essay
the essay
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 I will
firstly
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 state the advantages and
secondly
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 the disadvantages with relevant examples.
accommadation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
To begin
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 with, countries become competitive to hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
events
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 because it helps to promote their culture, food, craftsmanship, architecture and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hospitality to the world and
also
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 it will help
immensly
Correct your spelling
immensely
 to uplift the economy. To
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
 things
further
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, for
such
Linking Words
Use synonyms
events
Add a comma
,events
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people
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 around the world visit the hosting
country
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. They will
then
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accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
accommodated
accumulate
 in local hotels and
restuarants
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restaurants
 and
this
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 will help to promote local cuisine and the how generous the
people
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 are.
Thus
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 it will help the growth of
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
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 industry substantially.
Moreover
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, after the
event
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, the foreign investment will increase as it
such
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event
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
event
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
country's
country
countrys
Change noun form
country's
show examples
 capability to handle
such
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 exotic
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event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 and the resources available
in
Change preposition
to
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 them.
For instance
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, after the Olympics held in Beijing, a significant number of investments
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
happened and
as a
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result
Add a comma
,result
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 the GDP increased by two per cent.
On the other hand
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, hosting a global
event
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 is expensive. A
country
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 has to spend millions of dollars for
participants
Change noun form
participants'
participant's
show examples
security and for accommodation. To exemplify, for the 2020
Olympic
Fix the agreement mistake
Olympics
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, Australia had
Fix the infinitive
to spend
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spend
Change the verb form
spent
show examples
 millions of dollars
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 safety, food, accommodation and other
ammeneties
Correct your spelling
amenities
 for the athletes.
Furthermore
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, it takes
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of time and effort to organize
such
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Use synonyms
event
Correct article usage
an event
show examples
 as they have to meet
requirements
Correct article usage
the requirements
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 of every
country
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 participating.
Such
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events
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also
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 cause land and water pollution since thousands of
people
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 visit the
country
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 and the wastage will increase. In conclusion, international sporting
Use synonyms
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
show examples
 hosting has both advantages and disadvantages.
However
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, I believe that the pros outweigh the cons.
Submitted by Chathusizzie on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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