IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Olympic games very very important and respected in the past. However, some people say that technological improvements have reduced the importance of Olympic games in this 21st-century do you agree or disagree with this

#olympic #games #people #improvements #importance
There is a famous competition between athletes
that is
 named
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 games has been well-known
amongs
Correct your spelling
among
amongst
 people,
besides
 of
these popularity
Change the determiner
this popularity
show examples
,many opine the advent of technology innovations influenced on
popularity
Add an article
the popularity
show examples
 it these decades,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 I disagreed with
this
 statement and I am going to bring statical
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 to confirm my idea in upcoming paragraphs. In a beginning, based on the reports by the application play store which are given information about the number of people that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 installed the app to trace the footprint
og
Correct your spelling
of
 the activity of
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 players were increasing during ten years,alongside,the survey had been conducted between audiences of these games by the national TV programs they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 expressed the greater number of interest in comparing the past year .
Second
, according to the
repor
Correct your spelling
report
 by the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
institusion
Correct your spelling
institution
institutions
 that use from email by the yahoos
anf
Correct your spelling
and
gmail
Change the capitalization
Gmail
show examples
 there was a greater number of comments
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 different kinds of
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 on the maile box of
institution
Add an article
the institution
an institution
show examples
 in comparing of
last
 one ,so, it is found the popularity of
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 meeting can
be calculate
Change the verb form
be calculated
show examples
 by the mailbox which is the form of technological process. Media platforms
such
 as TV programs, alongside
of
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 and
mail boxes
Correct your spelling
mailboxes
show examples
 give easily to hands of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 that can be able
track
Add the particle
to track
show examples
 the progress of
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 athletes ,so the advent of
Correct your spelling
technology
thechnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 help to more and better presentation of
olympic
Change the capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 games in our world. To
summrize
Correct your spelling
summarize
, the statical
evidences
Change the wording
evidence
pieces of evidence
shreds of evidence
show examples
 are the backbone of my idea that the tech-
inovations
Correct your spelling
innovations
 support
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this events
Change the determiner
this event
these events
show examples
 by effective presentation in
this
priod
Correct your spelling
period
 of time.
Submitted by homa.ebrahimi987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: