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Writing Samples
Band 5

As countries develop, their populations tend to live individually or in small family units. In your opinion, what is this cause and what are the effects on the society

Over a few decades, the economy and technology
grow
Wrong verb form
have grown
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 so fast in many countries, so there are a high amount of new generations who
new
Change the adjective
newly
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 graduated workers
prefer
Correct pronoun usage
who prefer
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 to live individually or in small families rather than live in enormous communities. The following paragraphs will examine the causes and effects of independent living. Regarding the causes, there are two main reasons that contribute to the development of
this
Linking Words
 style.
Firstly
Linking Words
, people require getting a high wage.
For example
Linking Words
, a huge number of young generation have migrated from the countryside to the city to earn more salary. Most of them end up living in the city where they work,
while
Linking Words
 their parents
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 neglected in their hometown.
Secondly
Linking Words
, nowadays, we will see many nuclear families in the big cities as they think that having a child is an appropriate size for families in the globalization era.
Additionally
Linking Words
, people will tend to live personally if they usually use smart devices,
such
Linking Words
 as smartphones or laptops to keep connected with their group or their relatives. The trend will bring some negative impacts on the society of nations which are experiencing
this
Linking Words
.
Initially
Linking Words
, the family connection will be loosening because of
this
Linking Words
 living style.
For instance
Linking Words
, a son or a daughter who did not talk to their parents for a long time because of living far from their parents will lose connection easily.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the number of citizens who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
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 alone will get stressed or depressed more easily than the opposite ones if they do not prefer to talk or share feelings with other person or their family. In conclusion, the mentioned causes could produce an undesirable issue for the young and the old,
as well as
Linking Words
 the model of a nuclear family
that is
Linking Words
 expected to become the mainstream of our society as the result of urbanization.

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task response
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic. This will help readers understand your viewpoint more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer linking words to connect your ideas better, making your essay smoother to read. For example, use 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'Finally' to organize your points.
task response
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and help to illustrate your ideas better.
task achievement
You clearly identified the causes and effects related to the topic, which shows a good understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay contains a logical flow of ideas, particularly when discussing the causes of individual living, which helps the reader follow your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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