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Band 6.5

These days many children spend a lot of time playing video games and many parents feel this is very negative. Do you agree or disagree?

#children #time #video #games #parents
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In the contemporary epoch,there is irrefutable debate among folks about the trend of technology which has touched almost all aspects of our daily life.Nowadays several youngsters utilize most of their time playing
video
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 and numerous parents sense
this
Linking Words
 is very negative.I firmly coincide and withstand the stated notion because it can cause
ailment
Correct article usage
an ailment
show examples
 to the child and interfere with the time for studying.
This
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 discourse will
further
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 elucidate my assertion in the fourth coming paragraph
Firstly
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,spending hours on the screen is detrimental to our health since it can cause
eye
Use synonyms
 problems
although
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 some specialists advocate for some goggles to protect eyes from the garget light.Most people already have developed
complications
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 because of overutilization of them.
Research
Add an article
The research
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was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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done by johnjee(2020) in Kenya depicts that 70% of children have developed
eye
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complications
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.Parents should monitor kids on
this
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 and advocate for other off-screen
games
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such
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 as swimming.
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Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
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video
Use synonyms
games
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 are not healthy as they are causing
eye
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complications
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.
On the other hand
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,toddlers are utilizing a great deal of time on
video
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games
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 despite having a workload of homework to work on
as a result
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 they end up performing badly in academic study.
For example
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 in Uganda,some teenagers would prefer to visit
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video
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 game premises than go to the library to study.
However
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,most youths get addicted to these
games
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such
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 that you will find them with uniforms in
video
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 shops during learning hours so the state should come up with restrictions for these premises not to be opened during the week but rather on weekends.
Therefore
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,gaming is very destructive to the little
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 as it destroys their bright future. To sum up.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would like to restate my perspective that
video
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 gaming is unhealthy because it causes
eye
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complications
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 in children and
also
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 affects performance in school.
Submitted by Sabina Hamisi on

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