IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

As a country develops, people tend to buy more cars. Do the advantages for the individual outweigh the disadvantages for the environment.

There has been a controversy about whether
cars
Use synonyms
 can adversely affect the environment where we live. I would say
vehicles
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 are detrimental to nature, and my reasons will be explained in the following paragraphs. First and foremost.
Vehicles
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 increase carbon emissions.
According to
Linking Words
 some statistical figures, transportation contributes 24% of global greenhouse gas
.
Check wording
emissions.
show examples
 In the US, 29% of greenhouse gas
is
Verb problem
emissions are
show examples
 from
vehicles
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. Except for carbon emissions, other by-products of a
car
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 are disadvantageous to the environment too.
For instance
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,
cars
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 produce carbon monoxide, which is one of the main causes of lung cancer.
Besides
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, all the by-products can raise the temperature and worsen global warming to a large extent.
Second,
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the assembly process of
vehicles
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 requires a large number of resources.
Due to
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 the growth of the human population, the demand for
cars
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 has
ascended
Verb problem
increased
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.
Hence
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, factories produce more
cars
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;
in other words
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, many resources,
such
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 as metal, are used. In
this
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 case,
such
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 a situation can lead to a global metal resources shortage. It's worth mentioning that the disposal process of
cars
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 is detrimental too.
For instance
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, each
car
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 has a
car
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 battery; it contains some liquid which can adversely affect nature. If
vehicles
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 are not disassembled carefully, the items of a
car
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 can cause pollution.
On the other hand
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,
cars
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 have many advantages.
For example
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, a
car
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 brings convenience to our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, it shortens the time we spend on the road. And a
car
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 can give us a private space in public areas. In conclusion, I would say the disadvantages of a
car
Use synonyms
 outstrip its advantages.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and develop it fully with examples or explanations.
task achievement
Include a stronger conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use transitions to connect your ideas better, such as 'First,' 'Next,' and 'In conclusion.'
task achievement
You clearly identified the topic and stated your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points about the disadvantages of cars.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay โ€“ it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon footprint
  • Sustainability
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Fossil fuels
  • Commuting
  • Urban sprawl
  • Ecological impact
  • Economic stimulation
  • Public transportation infrastructure
  • Renewable energy
  • Air quality
  • Environmental degradation
  • Alternative transportation
  • Car dependency
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