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Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
Nowadays, the increasing trend of working longer
hours
in
Change preposition
among
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 youngsters is at
his
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 peak. Due to cut-throat competition, some are forced to
work
 more than normal
hours
 due to fear of
Replace the word
losing
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loosing
Correct your spelling
losing
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the
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their
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 job.
However
 working extra
hours
 has its merits,
I
Correct pronoun usage
which I
show examples
will
further
 discuss in my upcoming
paragaraphs
Correct your spelling
paragraphs
.
Firstly
,
youth
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the youth
a youth
show examples
 of current era has lots of challenges and some times to take out the
solultion
Correct your spelling
solution
, the time they spent is more, which by unwillingly they have to
work
 longer
hours
. We are in
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entrepreneurship
entrepenuership
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the entrepenuership
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 era, more people are starting up
there
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their
show examples
business
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businesses
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 with
less
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fewer
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 employees. So to grow their business widely they have to
work
 more than normal
hours
. It saves lots of money by
recurting
Correct your spelling
recruiting
recurring
 less
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 which at
last
 is a benefit.
Secondly
, the extra
hours
 brings more money to the Budget, which helps to pay the debts faster and the chances of saving for upcoming Project will be
pre-poned
Correct your spelling
preponed
pre-owned
. Working extra for
Project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
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 and for benefit of the company increases
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
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 of promotion. There are lots of people who start working
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 from the age of 20
,
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apply
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when they come to full time they are more experienced and have more capacity to
work
 faster and smarter. Due to experience chances of increment and promotion is high.
For instance
, My
cousine
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cousin
cousins
 who worked in
Godrej
Correct article usage
the Godrej
show examples
Correct your spelling
company
compnay
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company
,
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was always punctual and
work
 longer
hours
 and he got assigned
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 project which he handled very wisely and in 1 year he got
promotion
Correct article usage
a promotion
show examples
 and increment. To, culminate, Working long and hard gives us the result sooner or later. So we never have to hesitate for working more
Correct word choice
than
show examples
that
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 required because the benefit of that will
comes
Wrong verb form
come
show examples
 in multiplied.
Submitted by hirendhanwani on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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