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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is sometimes suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#school #children #vegetables #animals #outweigh
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Some groups of society think that it is necessary for children to learn growing
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
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care
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 of
animals
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 whereas some people believe that it would affect
students
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’ academic performance. I agree with primary school
students
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 should learn
farming
Change preposition
about farming
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 and feeding
animals
Use synonyms
 with my explanations as well as providing examples to support my views. To commence with, the
first
Linking Words
 benefit for
students
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 expose
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the nature
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nature
Replace the word
natural
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 environment is responsibility. In order to
taking
Change the verb
take
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of
animals
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,
students
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 are assigned in groups to feed them during recessions and after school. It helps children to develop a sense of responsibility to nurture them to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mature
adult
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adults
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 in future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, growing
vegetables
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 in schools can encourage
students
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 to have a healthy eating
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
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. When
students
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 farm at school, they learn how
important
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importance
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 of
maintaining
Wrong verb form
maintain
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 a balanced diet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it enhances the willingness of
students
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 to eat more
vegetables
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 and decreases the opportunities for
students
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 suffering from health problems
such
Linking Words
 as overweight and
high-blood
Correct your spelling
high blood
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 pressure. Meanwhile,
students
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 can realize the difficulties to pant
vegetables
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, it is
a
Change the article
an
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 important lesson for
students
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 that do not
waste
Fix the infinitive
to waste
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 food and resources.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people think that it is too early for
students
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farming
Change the verb form
to farm
show examples
 and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of others because they should focus on studying.
However
Linking Words
, it is obvious that farming and taking
care
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 of
animals
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 can reduce
students
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’ stress
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
caused by heavy study schedules. In conclusion, I put more weight on children should grow
vegetables
Use synonyms
 and feed
animals
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. It is beneficial for children’s development in both physical and emotional person with good proficiency.
Submitted by sarasasa19 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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