In achieving personal happiness our relationships with family, friends and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

#happiness #relationships #friends #colleagues #work #wealth

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The exaggerated focus on monetary aspects of

life

Use synonyms

that is

Linking Words

a result of modern thinking has become a widely held view in recent decades. In the modern era, owning luxurious material items and higher ranks in career are often considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

happiness

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However

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, I believe

this

Linking Words

notion should be neglected and it is almost certain that

depth

Correct article usage

the depth

show examples

relationships

Use synonyms

with related ones particularly family plays a vital role in reaching

happiness

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. There is no room for doubt that

money

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cannot buy

happiness

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and

this

Linking Words

assessment can clearly be shown in celebrities and

multimillionaires

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multimillionaires'

multimillionaire's

show examples

life

Use synonyms

with

outstanding

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an outstanding

the outstanding

show examples

amount

Fix the agreement mistake

amounts

show examples

of wealth. Clearly, many of them are not concerned with not being able to make ends meet;

nonetheless

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, depression and suffering from mental issues are often diagnosed for many of them. some of these wealthy individuals can not endure and even commit suicide which can be acknowledged as wealth's failure in causing long-term

happiness

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. Robin Williams can be mentioned as an example of a well-known actor who

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

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perished due to depression while simultaneously

was

Replace the word

being

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considered as a successful

Correct your spelling

person

peerson

Correct your spelling

person

in his occupation and

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money related

Add a hyphen

money-related

show examples

aspect

Fix the agreement mistake

aspects

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In addition

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, according to a large portion of the elderly who have been interviewed, the greatest regret they felt is in fact the amount of time they spent at work in order to achieve

happiness

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Furthermore

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, in regards to the advice from many old and experienced people, the fake and occasional

happiness

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caused by aforesaid achievements is not worth the effort that has been given in

this

Linking Words

money

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-driven world.

On the contrary

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sharing stories and experiences with family, spending time to deepen bonds with friends and colleagues and communicating efficiently for making close-knit

relationships

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as well as being there for one another and offering a helping hand in need

are

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show examples

the true definition of

happiness

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; as

this

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is a common viewpoint among the old aged. Undoubtedly, the aged obviously have more experience with

life

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Therefore

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, their opinion needs to be given credit when considering

this

Linking Words

topic.

Thus

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, human

relationships

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are most likely to lead to

Remove the article

apply

show examples

Add a hyphen

long-lasting

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long lasting

Add a hyphen

long-lasting

show examples

happiness

Use synonyms

in comparison to

money

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and professional attainments. To conclude, gaining

money

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and

Add a hyphen

work-related

show examples

work related

Add a hyphen

work-related

show examples

recognition most probably cannot buy true

happiness

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this

Linking Words

statement is often realised at old

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

This

Linking Words

essay has shown that the intimacy of

relationships

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with family, friends and colleagues is a great method

Change preposition

show examples

attaining persistent

happiness

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Therefore

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, keeping in touch with people is considered a key factor that influences

happiness

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gained in

life

Use synonyms

for most people.

Submitted by TUTOO on Wed Jul 06 2022

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Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

414 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

personal happiness
strong relationships
family
friends
colleagues
work and wealth
temporary happiness
fulfilling
sense of belonging
connection
meaningful interactions
joy
fulfillment
building and maintaining
time and effort
communication
stress
pressure
balance
well-being

What to do next:

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In achieving personal happiness our relationships with family, friends and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?

Word Count

In a public-funded healthcare system, people who are willing to pay for the best and fast treatment should be able to do so. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this what can be done to solve this problem.

'People who do not use social media networks* will always fall behind in career development opportunities.' •To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction?

Some people say the money spent by governments on space programmes would be appropriate. Others believe that it is better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.