In achieving personal happiness our relationships with family, friends and colleagues are more important than work and wealth. Do you agree or disagree with this?
The exaggerated focus on monetary aspects of
life
that is
a result of modern thinking has become a widely held view in recent decades. In the modern era, owning luxurious material items and higher ranks in career are often considered as
Change preposition
apply
happiness
. However
, I believe this
notion should be neglected and it is almost certain that depth
of Correct article usage
the depth
relationships
with related ones particularly family plays a vital role in reaching happiness
.
There is no room for doubt that money
cannot buy happiness
and this
assessment can clearly be shown in celebrities and multimillionaires
Change noun form
multimillionaires'
multimillionaire's
life
with outstanding
Add an article
an outstanding
the outstanding
amount
of wealth. Clearly, many of them are not concerned with not being able to make ends meet; Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
nonetheless
, depression and suffering from mental issues are often diagnosed for many of them. some of these wealthy individuals can not endure and even commit suicide which can be acknowledged as wealth's failure in causing long-term happiness
. Robin Williams can be mentioned as an example of a well-known actor who was
perished due to depression while simultaneously Unnecessary verb
apply
was
considered as a successful Replace the word
being
Correct your spelling
person
peerson
in his occupation and Correct your spelling
person
money related
Add a hyphen
money-related
aspect
.
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
In addition
, according to a large portion of the elderly who have been interviewed, the greatest regret they felt is in fact the amount of time they spent at work in order to achieve happiness
. Furthermore
, in regards to the advice from many old and experienced people, the fake and occasional happiness
caused by aforesaid achievements is not worth the effort that has been given in this
money
-driven world. On the contrary
sharing stories and experiences with family, spending time to deepen bonds with friends and colleagues and communicating efficiently for making close-knit relationships
as well as being there for one another and offering a helping hand in need are
the true definition of Change the verb form
is
happiness
; as this
is a common viewpoint among the old aged. Undoubtedly, the aged obviously have more experience with life
. Therefore
, their opinion needs to be given credit when considering this
topic. Thus
, human relationships
are most likely to lead to a
Remove the article
apply
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
long lasting
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
happiness
in comparison to money
and professional attainments.
To conclude, gaining money
and Add a hyphen
work-related
work related
recognition most probably cannot buy true Add a hyphen
work-related
happiness
. this
statement is often realised at old ages
. Fix the agreement mistake
age
This
essay has shown that the intimacy of relationships
with family, friends and colleagues is a great method in
attaining persistent Change preposition
of
happiness
. Therefore
, keeping in touch with people is considered a key factor that influences happiness
gained in life
for most people.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.