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Band 5

Some people think to be successful, you need to get in a university education, whereas other say that it is not true. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

#people #university #education
The efficiency of
university
education
 on a
people
’s
life
 is debatable. Some individuals opine that it is
must
Correct article usage
a must
show examples
 to get a
university
degree
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 become
sucessful
Correct your spelling
successful
,
while
 others oppose
this
 view. I believe that higher
education
 is necessary
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a
person
’s
life
 but a
person
 can be effectual without
third level
Add a hyphen
third-level
show examples
education
.  The prime reason why some
people
 believe that success depends on tertiary
education
 is that it is essential
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 professional
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
such
 as
Job
, Teaching, and Scientist etc.
An
Change the article
A
show examples
university
degree
 is
mustly
Correct your spelling
mostly
 needed for
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of occupation. Completing higher
education
 on a specific subject can give a
person
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
job
 on
this
 individual platform which may help to become
effectual
Replace the word
effective
show examples
.
For example
, if a
person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to get a
job
 in a
comanies
Correct your spelling
company
 accounting department, the company will
firstly
Change the word
first
show examples
 check how
much qualification
Change the quantifier
many qualifications
show examples
 he/she
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 subject. Without a higher
degree
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 accounting,
this
person
 can get
this
job
. So, the more tertiary
education
 you have, the greater chance there will be to become successful
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
 career.  
On the other hand
, those who say that
acievement
Correct your spelling
achievement
 does not depend on
third level
Add a hyphen
third-level
show examples
education
 give their reason
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
that a talented
person
 can become successful without
institutional
Add an article
an institutional
show examples
degree
. History says that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 many of the famous
people
 of the world become famous
due to
 their greatest invention which we constantly use in our daily
life
, but those
people
 did not complete a graduation
degree
. Mark
juckerbag
Change the capitalization
Juckerbag
show examples
,
for instance
,
one
Add a missing verb
is one
show examples
 of the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 reaches
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 and
founder
Correct article usage
the founder
show examples
 of Facebook - the most popular technology
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the earth, but he failed
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 his 12th class.
Moreover
, there are lots of
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 where you can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
become famous
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if you have
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
 talent or skill. To be more specific, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
famous
actor
Fix the agreement mistake
actors
show examples
 and athletes
such
 as
Footballer
Fix the agreement mistake
footballers
show examples
has
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 higher
education
. So without a higher
education
, a
person
 can be successful.
To sum up
,
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
education
 is a valuable
acievement
Correct your spelling
achievement
achievements
 in a
person
’s
life
. Some
people
 think it is the only key to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
efectual
Correct your spelling
effective
;
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 others
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 with them. In my opinion, it is needed if a
person
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
 to be made a
prefessional
Correct your spelling
professional
 career but there are lots of
sector
Change to a plural noun
sectors
show examples
 where it is not important to become
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
.
Submitted by ahmedshahriar448 on

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coherence cohesion
Expand on the reasons why higher education may not be necessary for success, providing more specific examples. Use a wider range of vocabulary and ensure each point is supported with evidence.
task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that directly addresses the prompt, and provide a balanced view of both perspectives. Focus on supporting your ideas with relevant and specific examples, avoiding repetition.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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