IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays,Consumers are less influenced on advertising than past What are the causes Is it good or bad...

#consumers
In the modern era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
people
 have not
encouraged
Add a missing verb
been encouraged
show examples
 to buy
products
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 publish
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
 decade. In
this
 essay I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
what are the reasons behind
this
 and
Correct your spelling
whether
wheather
Correct your spelling
whether
 it has
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 or
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
.
To begin
 with, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
manufacturing
Add an article
the manufacturing
show examples
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 have created their commercials and tend to publish
through
Correct pronoun usage
them through
show examples
news paper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
show examples
, TV,
radio
Correct word choice
and radio
show examples
. They have spent money on
create
Change the form of the verb
creating
show examples
 those commercials and published
through
Correct pronoun usage
them through
show examples
well-known
Add an article
the well-known
a well-known
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
However
, there are many
platform
Change to a plural noun
platforms
show examples
 has opened recently with the technology development
such
 as online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
 Facebook, Instagram,
online
Correct word choice
and online
show examples
 shopping
app
Fix the agreement mistake
apps
show examples
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
etc
As a result
,
people
 who are interested in certain
products
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to promote these items as their agent. So manufacturers did not need to spend money on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commercials.
For instance
, if they hired a celebrity who has certain followers
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media, they would
Add a missing verb
be
show examples
able to promote their
products
 without additional cost.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, Most individuals tend to select their items,if it is branded item. So when there is
newly
Replace the word
new
show examples
 company, they could not gain recognition easily. As a
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
results
Add a comma
,results
show examples
 they use online purchasing applications to promote
these item
Change the determiner
this item
these items
show examples
 without doing
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 some manufacturers face difficulty to sell their items.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 some
people
 tend to put bad reviews to mislead customers. In conclusion, most of the manufacturer company have not involved with
advitising
Correct your spelling
advertising
 with compared to over the decades. It happened due to high-tech,
people
 have
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 convenient way to buy their
products
 even
there
Correct word choice
though there
show examples
 are some negative aspects
consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
show examples
.
Submitted by priyankamiriyagalla on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: