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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that giving a smaller amount of money weekly to children will help them become more capable as they grow older. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #amount #money #children
A part of
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 argues that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small amount of allowance will improve the capability of the child when they grow up. As far as I concern I am with
this
 notion by all meaning. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will look at
this
 statement and
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
 I
support
Correct pronoun usage
itsupport
show examples
.
First
, young people will be more
prepare
Replace the word
prepared
show examples
 and save their
money
, because they know
that is
 all they have in the rest of the week, while when a child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 much
money
 will play and buy
un necessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
show examples
 things
then
 it will finish before the time.
Besides
 that, they may cause trouble among the students.
For instance
,
bulling
Correct your spelling
bullying
show examples
 mostly
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
as a result
 of
money
, when they end their
money
 they will come
those
Change preposition
to those
show examples
 who have a little amount of
money
 and take them
Add the particle
to force
show examples
force fully
Correct your spelling
forcefully
show examples
 to them.
In contrast
, if the person cannot afford what others can
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
he
she
show examples
will
Correct word choice
or will
show examples
 be
Add an article
a disappointment
show examples
disappointment
Replace the word
disappointed
show examples
, when she/he
see
Change the verb form
sees
show examples
 all his friend buy
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a specific thing but he could not afford that it
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
my
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 cost his emotional
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
, so giving a kid
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an extra will be
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
show examples
 solution, but with a limit and counting on their needs.
For example
, there is a student which his parents will not allow him to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
money
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 school,
instead
 of that they make him
sandwich
Fix the agreement mistake
sandwiches
show examples
 or
biscuit
Fix the agreement mistake
biscuits
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and thought
show examples
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
that is
 fine, he was not satisfied. Due that reason he begs all his friends,
after
Correct word choice
and after
show examples
 that he
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 popular
inside
Change preposition
among
show examples
 the student as a beggar.
In addition
 to
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they were
talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 behind him; he lost his confidence, become
introvert
Wrong verb form
introverted
show examples
, and lacks basic social communication. In a
nut shell
Correct your spelling
nutshell
show examples
, I agree
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement shortage of allowance
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children will encourage them to manage their life later if they face economic crises.
However
, it may
also
 have side effects.
Submitted by jasm0383 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial responsibility
  • independence
  • financial literacy
  • work ethic
  • effort and reward
  • impulsive purchases
  • budgeting skills
  • critical thinking
  • sense of entitlement
  • modest amounts
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