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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many people say that universities should only offer places to young students with the highest marks, while others say they should accept people of all ages, even if they did not do well at school. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #universities #offer #places #students #marks #ages #school
People
 have different views about the
ability
 and age of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 when studying at
university
. Some
people
 think that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 student with the highest marks is the only one accepted in universities,
while
 another
school
 thinks that universities should accept
people
 of all ages, even if they did not do well at
school
. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I am going to elucidate both views , before clarifying my own opinion.  On the one hand, there are various compelling reasons why
people
 believe that universities should only offer places to young
students
 with the highest marks One major rationale is that curriculum at
university
 is very difficult.
As a result
 , if the student
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not have a
well
Change the adverb
good
show examples
ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 study, they will
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
not keep up with
academic
Fix the agreement mistake
academics
show examples
 like their friends. And
then
, it will put a mental burden on them,
such
 as peer pressure and depression.
In addition
, when the quality of
students
 is not good, it
also
 reflects that the quality of the
school
 is not appreciated.  On
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
, I firmly hold
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 view
that
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a better idea for
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 is a place
when
Correct word choice
that
show examples
accept
Change the verb form
accepting
show examples
people
 of all ages, even if they did not do well at
school
.
Firstly
,
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 need is
recognize
Wrong verb form
recognised
show examples
 as a fundamental right for
people
. From
this
 view, there's nobody
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the right to deprive anyone of
this
 basic need.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
Add an article
a teacher
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 in
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 can divide classes
according to
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
 to help
students
 learn without affecting other
students
.
Morover
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, many older
students
 still have
good
Add an article
the good
show examples
 academic
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
.
For example
, in my Hanoi law
university
Correct your spelling
University
show examples
, there is a 72 years - old man who graduated
last
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
Inconclusion
Correct your spelling
In conclusion
show examples
, I completely support the idea that
university
Change the article
a university
show examples
 is a place
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
accept
Correct subject-verb agreement
accepts
show examples
people
 of all ages, even if they did not do well at
school
Submitted by trancaomaitrang on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • merit-based
  • competitive environment
  • academic standards
  • innovation
  • diversity
  • mature students
  • equitable
  • inclusive admission policies
  • educational disadvantages
  • holistic admission process
  • extracurricular achievements
  • non-traditional students
  • equal opportunities
  • societal progress
What to do next:
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