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Band 6

Some people think sport competition creates many trouble while others disagree. Discuss your views and give your opinion

#people #sport #competition #trouble
In
this
 day and age,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 tournament has become a source of major controversy among the general public. In my way of thinking,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would believe that physical activities do not have any drawbacks and
in contrast
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 bring
numeous
Correct your spelling
numerous
 advantages to people On the one hand, there are several reasons why many individuals support the view that
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
competition
 significantly impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our life.
First
 of all, it stimulates violence. In every
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 game, the level of
competition
 and enthusiasm would be high. That's why players often have dangerous plays, which is the root factor
leads
Correct pronoun usage
that leads
show examples
 to violence. Once
fight
Add an article
the fight
a fight
show examples
is appeared
Change to the active voice
appears
has appeared
show examples
, the risk of many injuries
such
 as trauma or head problems.
Secondly
,
active
Correct article usage
an active
show examples
 event requires a huge amount of money to make everything smooth from medical insurance to security, and so on On the flip side,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 concur that there are many benefits of
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
competition
.
Firstly
, in each tournament, teamwork is the key element to
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
.
Therefore
, through every
events
Change to a singular noun
event
show examples
, people in the team can become more
close
Replace the word
closely
show examples
 and have a mutual understanding.
Furthermore
,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
competition
 particularly benefits the organized place. As many tourists and football supporters come, tourism,
such
 as
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and hotel
show examples
hotel
Fix the agreement mistake
hotels
show examples
,... would receive a high profit, which contributes to the total income of a country.
For instance
, in Sea Game 31, Vietnam, the host country,
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 31
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 while every preparation for
this
 event only costs 2
billions
Change to singular
billion
show examples
 In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would believe that
Correct your spelling
in spite
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of some drawbacks, game
competition
 plays an important role in every nation
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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