IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Competitiveness is a positive quality for people in most societies. How does competitiveness affects individuals? Is it a positive or negative trend.

#competitiveness #quality #people #societies #individuals #trend
In most
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
competition
 is of positive importance to humans.
This
 essay will discuss how competitiveness affects
people
 and show the kind of trend
competition
 brings. In recent times
people
 want to become what they are not, they borrow money from banks in other to keep up with a fake luxurious lifestyle.
Competition
 among friends caused them to venture
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 holiday trips to exotic cities, they organize parties and stacked
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 with expensive wines just to please their wealthy guests and show them how wealthy they are. A recent live programme I watched was about a young entrepreneur that got involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 influential women clique, she went
extra
Correct article usage
the extra
show examples
miles
Fix the agreement mistake
mile
show examples
 to keep up with their lifestyle and it almost ridiculed her name.
However
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
competition
 is a positive trend as it predisposes an individual to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
 opportunities
such
 as associating with high ranked personnel in the society, connections for
multi billionaire
Add a hyphen
multi-billionaire
show examples
 contacts and
also
 position them among influential
people
 which improve their recommendation. A typical example is a colleague at work,
that is
also
 an event planner, she is
an
Change the article
a
show examples
high class
Add a hyphen
high-class
show examples
 group of individuals, and
this
 promoted her business to planning events for Ministers and various rich
people
 in the society. In conclusion,
this
 essay was able to explain the effect of competitiveness on a person, it
also
discuss
Change the verb form
discusses
show examples
 the type of pattern it brings which in my opinion is a positive trend.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: