IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Employees sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and whether they are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful, others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, it is undeniable that employers often request personal
information
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 from job applicants,
such
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 as their hobbies, interests, and marital status. Some people believe that
this
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information
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 can be relevant and helpful in the recruitment process,
while
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 others argue that it should not be considered. In
this
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 essay, an attempt will be made to examine both perspectives. Those who support asking for personal
information
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 provide some reasons to justify their view. One of the most apparent benefits is that
such
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 details may help employers understand a candidate’s personality and suitability for a particular role. To illustrate, hobbies and interests can reveal qualities
such
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 as teamwork, creativity, or leadership.
For instance
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, applicants who participate in group sports may demonstrate strong cooperation skills, which could be valuable in a team-based workplace. Those who disagree with the above idea
also
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 have some points that should not be overlooked. One major reason is that personal
information
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 may lead to unfair discrimination rather than objective evaluation. To clarify, details
such
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 as marital status or lifestyle choices are not directly related to job performance and may influence employers’ decisions unfairly.
For example
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, an employer might assume that a married applicant with children would be less flexible with working hours, even if
this
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 assumption is incorrect, which could reduce equal employment opportunities. To recapitulate, it is evident that some support collecting personal
information
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 because it may provide insight into applicants’ personalities and workplace compatibility,
while
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 others believe it can lead to biased hiring decisions. Having considered both sides thoroughly, I have personally come to believe that personal
information
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 should be used cautiously and only when it is directly relevant to the job, as recruitment decisions should primarily be based on skills, experience, and professional ability.

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structure
Start with a clear plan. Say what you will talk about in the essay.
language
In the intro, avoid lines like 'an attempt will be made' and use a normal sentence.
content
Add more detail to each point with a few precise examples.
language
Use more linking words to show how ideas move from one to the next.
conclusion
End with a firm line that shows your own view and why.
content
The view is clear and the sides are balanced.
content
Two good examples support the points.
content
The ending shows your own view clearly.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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