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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

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An increasing number of individuals recently, not only
feeling
Wrong verb form
felt
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 unsafe in their own residences but
also
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sensing
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sensed
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 danger when they
are
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were
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 in public places. I will outline two main causes for
this
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 perception and provide some plausible solutions in the latter part of the essay.
To begin
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 with, there are numerous reasons why a person feels threatened in a shared space. The most alarming reason is the increasing number of public or mass shootings.
Due to
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 these ,incidents lots of innocent citizens are losing their lives. Especially, the easy availability of firearms in the open and black market is contributing to the rising amount of these offences.
For example
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, in the United
State
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States
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 of America
where
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apply
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shootings in public areas
such
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 as schools and places of worship have risen exponentially
due to
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 easy access to weapons. The best solutions to
this
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 problem will come from the government.
Firstly
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, authorities should establish stringent regulations on the availability of handguns. To illustrate, Australia and Canada where obtaining revolvers
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 made illegal;
as a result
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,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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experienced a smaller sum of these crimes in comparison to the U.S.A.
Finally
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, conducting comprehensive, well-designed background checks,
as well as
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 reporting these incidents by the agencies on a regular basis will prohibit the person from easily acquiring a handgun. In conclusion, public spaces
such
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 as educational institutions and churches are experiencing an increasing quantity of crimes
due to
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 the easy availability of weapons on the market.
However
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, introducing new policies by the government is the best way to tackle the issue.

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Task Response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task question. Organize ideas in a clear and logical manner, and provide sufficient support for main points.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary and expressions to convey ideas. Ensure that transitions between paragraphs are smooth and coherent.
Grammatical Range
Work on using a wider range of sentence structures and demonstrate more precise control of grammar and punctuation.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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