IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

children can be adversely affected by the influence of television. to what extend to you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

#children #influence #television
Influence
Correct article usage
The influence
show examples
 of
television
 on
children
 may show severe effects when compared to others.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe in the same.
This
 essay discusses the examples and arguments of the agreement.
To begin
 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sexual content makes
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 impact on
children
.
In other words
, there are many cases when sexuality is showcased on
television
,be it in movies, advertisements and many
.
Correct quantifier usage
others.
show examples
Children
 may come across that and tries to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it with
parents
,
in
Correct pronoun usage
which in
show examples
turn
Add the comma(s)
,turn
show examples
 results in
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
children
 bonding, when
response
Add an article
the response
a response
show examples
 is inaccurate. Adding on, advertisements
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food and toys, which are
favorites
Change the spelling
favourites
show examples
 of
children
,
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 impact on them. Despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being aware of the fact that they may not be accurate and
health
Add a missing verb
are health
show examples
 hazards, they indulge
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
 to spend on them, which results in disappointment, if they do not do so.
Moreover
, when turned on to academics,
children
 prioritize
television
 over studying. As a consequence, least interest
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
studies,Which leads to less score in academics.
As a result
,
parent
Add a hyphen
parent-children
show examples
children
 issues.
For instance
, Many suicidal incidences, which
showcased
Add a missing verb
are showcased
show examples
 on social media, are because
of
Change preposition
by
show examples
 restricting
children
 from watching
television
, which deviates them from studying. Many
children
, who are addicted to
television
, behave as if one of the characters from the movies or cartoons they have watched, if they have negative shades, that may affect
parents
 and
in
Correct your spelling
indirectly
show examples
directly
Change the adverb
direct
show examples
 society. To recapitulate, I agree with the statement. Sexual content,
advertisements
Correct word choice
and advertisements
show examples
 on
television
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
show examples
children
 the most,
therefore
, resulting
in least
Change the article
in the least
show examples
 academic performance, if the influence is negative indirectly impacts society as well.
Submitted by mk.manasa26 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: