Some people believe that improve public health should increase the number of sports facilities, others believe that it has little effect and need other measure to improve it. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In
this
concurrent
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
it is undoubtedly true that some
people
cocur
Correct your spelling
concur
occur
that public
health
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
less effective and
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
other
facilities
to improve.
However
,I quibble
from
Change preposition
with
show examples
them and put forward my idea that public
health
is more effective and it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
the number of
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
.
However
,
Correct your spelling
the
there
thae
Correct your spelling
the
public
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
to different view that public
health
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
less effective and need other to improve the
facilities
which
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
multiple reasons. To start with some
people
counter that all
people
should have been healthy for any kind of
sports
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because
health
is more important in our daily lifestyle. To
increase
any type of
health
issue the
facilities
plays
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
role in any
person
Change noun form
person's
show examples
life.
The more
Correct article usage
More
show examples
facilities
for any kind of workout help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
to get easily and can get motivated by the equipment. To insist, the gym
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
major
Add an article
a major
show examples
role in public so
people
can go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
and become healthy and fit person. The subsequent evidence
are obtain
Change the verb form
are obtained
show examples
to prove the concept of public
health
should
increase
the number of
sports
facilities
. The
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
top notch
Add a hyphen
top-notch
show examples
rapid factor if
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
will be healthy and fit so they can play any
sports
, and
facilities
regarding the
sports
will
also
increase
. If
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
will be healthy they will get
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
Correct your spelling
diseases
disease
deases
Correct your spelling
diseases
in their body.
For example
, If
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
want
Change the verb form
wants
show examples
to become more healthy the
facilities
in
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
will
increase
and
sports
also
get more
people
. So the country
also
Add a missing verb
was also
show examples
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
affected.
Thus
, it is clear that public
health
can
increase
the sport as well as
sports
facilities
. To conclude, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
innumerable strong
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
supporting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public
health
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
increase
the
sports
facilities
,
it's
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
opposite
also
cannot be overlooked or controlled.
Consequently
Add a comma
,Consequently
show examples
I firmly agree with
given
Add an article
the given
a given
show examples
statement.
Submitted by ronak.patel999899 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: