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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening.

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases
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Some people argue whether or not being monitored is an art of safety or simply an invasion of privacy. I personally believe that the more
innovating
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innovative
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 devices there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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, the more the world will lose
it’s
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its
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 natural beauty including people’s limitations to their own will. The
first
Linking Words
 objection is that we are completely being watched by the authorities. For
some
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,some
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 it could be a chance for reducing criminalism and a simple form of state control, whereas for me it is a basic manipulation.
For instance
Linking Words
, social
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media
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medias
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media
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 are the most controlling sources, yet everyone uses them daily. Platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter and even more are constantly listening to users’ conversations
consequently
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 showing them their interests and gaining data on people’s opinions, behaviour and choices.
In
Linking Words
addition
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,addition
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the
Correct your spelling
they
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 follow and save all of the searched information online, as
this
Linking Words
 way they could find out their characters, even using that knowledge
as
Change preposition
to
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 curtail
of
Change preposition
apply
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personal privacy. Another example
are
Change the verb form
is
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 all of the CCTV cameras placed in private rooms
such
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 as changing rooms and toilets. Imagine a customer of a shop getting undressed,
meanwhile
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,meanwhile
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 someone’s watching them at the other end of the screen.
Noone
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No one
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 knows what kind of morale people have that are holding all of the power of these devices. To conclude, even if there are advantages of using monitors on daily basis,
such
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 as making cities safer for
inhibitants
Correct your spelling
inhabitants
,
on the other
Linking Words
hand
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,hand
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 many citizens might suffer in the future to
all that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 proliferation of “safety devices”. The consequences might be
Correct your spelling
crucial
crusial
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crucial
,
thus
Linking Words
 we have no idea who controls our lives, and my personal view is that maybe we should slow down the development of newer technology that does not serve us correctly.
Submitted by tanya2013draganova on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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