IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write 250 words.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
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It is often argued that
teenagers
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 should
work
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 part-
time
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 to acknowledge their real
work
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experience
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 and neatness.
However
Linking Words
, many people believe
teenagers
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 shouldn't oblation their
time
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 to rest by doing an after-school activity for
work
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. Both opinions are understandable, honestly, I have to mind about
this
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, it is a good thing to give an early introduction to the real
work
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experience
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 by taking a part-
time
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 job to the
teenagers
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,
however
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, at the same , the
time
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 it can be a disaster for their
health
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. In my take on
this
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,
firstly
Linking Words
, Part-
time
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 can help
teenagers
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 to gain more money and
work
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 experiences that will be valuable later on.
For instance
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, many
teenagers
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 in Yogyakarta decided to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
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time
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 job because companies nowadays are looking for an employee who has
work
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experience
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, even though, they are fresh graduates. Having real working
experience
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 is precious for their career journey.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the part-
time
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 job takes juvenile
time
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 for rest.
For example
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, many college students in Yogyakarta have
health
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 issues because they don't have proper
time
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 for rest because they need to
work
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 after class until in the middle of the night. Usually,
teenagers
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 who take part-
time
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time
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 jobs forget their
health
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 and it can be a catastrophe when they become older. To conclude, having a real
work
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experience
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 for
teenagers
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 might be valuable for their career journey. Even so, they need to be careful about their
health
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 issue and know their limitation themselves, since
health
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 conditions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
Linking Words
 important for their future.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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