IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Write 250 words.

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities
It is often argued that
teenagers
 should
work
 part-
time
 to acknowledge their real
work
experience
 and neatness.
However
, many people believe
teenagers
 shouldn't oblation their
time
 to rest by doing an after-school activity for
work
. Both opinions are understandable, honestly, I have to mind about
this
, it is a good thing to give an early introduction to the real
work
experience
 by taking a part-
time
 job to the
teenagers
,
however
, at the same , the
time
 it can be a disaster for their
health
. In my take on
this
,
firstly
, Part-
time
 can help
teenagers
 to gain more money and
work
 experiences that will be valuable later on.
For instance
, many
teenagers
 in Yogyakarta decided to take
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-
time
time
 job because companies nowadays are looking for an employee who has
work
experience
, even though, they are fresh graduates. Having real working
experience
 is precious for their career journey.
On the other hand
, the part-
time
 job takes juvenile
time
 for rest.
For example
, many college students in Yogyakarta have
health
 issues because they don't have proper
time
 for rest because they need to
work
 after class until in the middle of the night. Usually,
teenagers
 who take part-
time
time
 jobs forget their
health
 and it can be a catastrophe when they become older. To conclude, having a real
work
experience
 for
teenagers
 might be valuable for their career journey. Even so, they need to be careful about their
health
 issue and know their limitation themselves, since
health
 conditions
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
also
 important for their future.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: