IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #music #culture #ages
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There are many ways to make a relationship with unknown
people
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, whether
different
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from different
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country
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countries
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 or gender.
Music
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 is a good tool that can be used in many situations for making a relationship. In my opinion, I totally agree with
this
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 statement because
music
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 can deliver a speech to some
people
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 without an explanation. The song has
listened
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been listened
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with
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to with
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 every gender and culture with the same
rhythm
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.
Firstly
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, every song has a meaning in itself that the singer wants to deliver. Some songs want to tell about the experience of his life or the story of his love.
Thus
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, we can use the meaning of
music
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 to communicate with some
people
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. It can lead to a good relationship.
For instance
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, tell my feeling of love to my girlfriend and play with an unknown kid by using cartoon
music
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.
Secondly
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, it is obvious that we listen to
music
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 in everyday life. Kids listen to
music
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 by watching cartoons or funny clips. When growing up into adults, we listen to
music
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 while travelling, studying, and crying . Some
people
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 use
music
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 to relax.
Although
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 there are many languages in nature,
music
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 has the same
rhythm
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 that can understand by listening.
Thus
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, the
rhythm
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 can bring different types of
people
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 to join together which is proven by dance activity. To sum up,
music
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 has the power to deliver
life
Correct article usage
a life
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 experience or a love story by listening.
This
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 is a good choice to deliver your message to some
people
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.
Although
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 he did not understand the meaning, the
rhythm
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 still sent the message.
Submitted by mewmew60123 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
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