IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?-

In recent years, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 in some countries prefer to hire personal
fitness
Use synonyms
trainers
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of participating in sports or group
exercise
Use synonyms
 classes.
This
Linking Words
 trend is mainly driven by several factors, and in my opinion, it is a largely positive development. One key reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend is the growing awareness of health and
fitness
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 want to achieve specific
fitness
Use synonyms
 goals,
such
Linking Words
 as losing weight or building muscle, and personal
trainers
Use synonyms
 can provide tailored guidance.
This
Linking Words
 is because
trainers
Use synonyms
 are able to design individual training plans based on a person’s physical condition, which makes
exercise
Use synonyms
 more effective compared to general classes. Another important factor is the lack of time in modern life. With busy work schedules, many individuals find it difficult to attend fixed-time classes. Hiring a personal trainer offers greater flexibility, allowing
people
Use synonyms
 to arrange workouts
according to
Linking Words
 their own timetable.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are more likely to maintain a regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 routine.
Overall
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a positive development. One advantage is that personal training can improve
exercise
Use synonyms
 efficiency. With professional supervision, individuals are less likely to perform exercises incorrectly, which reduces the risk of injury and leads to better results.
In addition
Linking Words
, the personalised support from
trainers
Use synonyms
 can increase motivation.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 receive continuous encouragement and feedback, they are more likely to stay committed to their
fitness
Use synonyms
 goals.
However
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
 important to recognise that hiring a personal trainer can be expensive, which may not be affordable for everyone. Despite
this
Linking Words
 drawback, the
overall
Linking Words
 benefits outweigh the disadvantages. In conclusion, the increasing popularity of personal
fitness
Use synonyms
trainers
Use synonyms
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 personalised guidance and flexible schedules, and it is generally a positive trend despite some limitations.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Add one more clear example to make your ideas stronger.
task response
Explain a little more why this trend is good for society, not only for one person.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care so each paragraph flows in a smoother way.
coherence and cohesion
Some main points are good, but a few could be developed a bit more.
task response
You answer both parts of the task clearly.
task response
Your ideas are easy to follow and stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is clear and logical.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
What to do next:
Look at other essays: