IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All fathers should be entitled to time-off from work when their children are born. What is your opinion?

In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, it is widely accepted that people change their minds more and more to
be important
Verb problem
prioritise
show examples
 personal life rather than
work
Use synonyms
. It is true that office workers who are not married can complain because
this
Linking Words
 is not profitable for them.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that the workplace should have some policies in which
parents
Use synonyms
 can take
care
Use synonyms
 of their
children
Use synonyms
 officially,
although
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all
Rephrase
not all
show examples
 fathers do not need time off from the office.
To begin
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 with, the main reason is that
children
Use synonyms
 are an important value for our society,
although
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 have only
responsibilities
Correct word choice
legal responsibilities
show examples
 in law. To be a healthy society, kids have to learn essential factors
such
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 as cultures, manners, and
histories
Fix the agreement mistake
history
show examples
.
This
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 is the example that if a single
Use synonyms
parents
Fix the agreement mistake
parent
show examples
divorce
Correct subject-verb agreement
divorces
show examples
, it could be a very hard time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working and taking
care
Use synonyms
 of their child.
As a result
Linking Words
, their
children
Use synonyms
 could be alone and not learn the necessary education, which would cause another problem in the future.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there is another reason that single
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot focus on their
work
Use synonyms
 without
solving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
. It triggers
decreasing
Wrong verb form
a decrease in
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 efficiency.
For instance
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, certain single
parents
Use synonyms
 frequently worry
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 in the workplace where there is no policy for them. I believe that people cannot focus on
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 worrying about the child. In conclusion, all fathers should have
eligibility
Check wording
the right
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 time off from the
working place
Use the right word
workplace
show examples
,
Linking Words
although
Rephrase
even if
show examples
 someone
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not need it. For these reasons,
it is clear that
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 are an important value and
solving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
taking
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 helps
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently.
Therefore
Linking Words
, our society should make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to create policies for fathers,
although
Linking Words
someone
Use the right word
some
show examples
complains
Correct subject-verb agreement
complain
show examples
 about
this
Linking Words
 circumstance.

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Task response
Make your main view clear from the start and keep to it.
Task response
Add 2 or 3 clear reasons and give a simple example for each.
Coherence
Use simple link words to show how ideas go from one to the next.
Idea
The essay shows a clear stance on the topic.
Structure
There is a plan with an intro and a closing paragraph.
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