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Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
In most
countries
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,countries
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 the affordable alternative
have
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has
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 been dominated by fast
foods
.
This
 situation is threatening
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health in many countries, as
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
show examples
 of
junk
foods
 per capita has been rising. I absolutely agree
for
Change preposition
with
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 an urgent increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 taxes imposed on
such
 goods, in order to effectively reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of chronic diseases, as well as an effect of nudging
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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food
 industry to change
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
Correct your spelling
perspective
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prospective
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perspective
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. Fast
foods
 are often line ups of
food
 with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
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level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 of fats. Consuming
such
products
 daily could seriously
Correct your spelling
affect
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effect
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affect
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 the health of individuals, with the consequences of getting
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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chronic diseases
such
 as type 2
obesity
.
Furthermore
,
illness
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illnesses
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such
 as
obesity
 could cause problems in
patients
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patients'
patient's
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 daily life, but it would
also
detoriate
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deteriorate
 the chances of survival when fighting against other diseases. The effect of
obesity
 is unfortunately seen at young ages too.
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In fact
Infact
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In fact
 in the UK, there
has
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have
show examples
 been rising
numbers
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number
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 of children who
suffers
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suffer
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 from
obesity
.
Hence
, immediate government intervention is
Correct your spelling
required
requried
Correct your spelling
required
 to push consumers away from
junk
food
products
.
In addition
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
placing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 tax
rate
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rates
show examples
 on
such
products
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sends out a signal to fast
food
 companies to change
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 field of competition. With higher
taxes
Add a comma
,taxes
show examples
 consumption of fast
foods
 would drop, and in order to avoid
further
Add an article
the further
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 downfall of the
market
 leaders would be nudged to shift
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
market
Add an article
a market
show examples
 strategy to a service that would have higher demand in the near future.
Hence
, in the long
run
Add a comma
,run
show examples
 it would reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
junk
foods
 provided by the
fast
Add a hyphen
fast-food
show examples
food
market
. A prime example of a company changing its competition field is FUJIFILM company in Japan. Originally the company sold film camera
products
,
however
 seeing
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 fall in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
market
, they have shifted its
market
 to medical
Correct your spelling
equipment
equiptment
Correct your spelling
equipment
. In conclusion, examining the detrimental effects of fast
food
products
, I strongly agree for governments to raise taxes on
such
 goods.
This
 way, it would save people
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 unhealthy diets, but
also
 create an opportunity for
junk
food
 markets to redesign their
Correct your spelling
business
bussiness
Correct your spelling
business
 model.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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