IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is, therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
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In most
countries
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,countries
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 the affordable alternative
have
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has
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 been dominated by fast
foods
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation is threatening
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public health in many countries, as
intake
Correct article usage
the intake
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 of
junk
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foods
Use synonyms
 per capita has been rising. I absolutely agree
for
Change preposition
with
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 an urgent increase
on
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in
show examples
 taxes imposed on
such
Linking Words
 goods, in order to effectively reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of chronic diseases, as well as an effect of nudging
fast
Correct article usage
the fast
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food
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 industry to change
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
Correct your spelling
perspective
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prospective
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perspective
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. Fast
foods
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 are often line ups of
food
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 with
high
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a high
the high
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level
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levels
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 of fats. Consuming
such
Linking Words
products
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 daily could seriously
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affect
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effect
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affect
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 the health of individuals, with the consequences of getting
a
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apply
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chronic diseases
such
Linking Words
 as type 2
obesity
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
illness
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illnesses
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such
Linking Words
 as
obesity
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 could cause problems in
patients
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patients'
patient's
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 daily life, but it would
also
Linking Words
detoriate
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deteriorate
 the chances of survival when fighting against other diseases. The effect of
obesity
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 is unfortunately seen at young ages too.
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In fact
Infact
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In fact
 in the UK, there
has
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have
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 been rising
numbers
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number
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 of children who
suffers
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suffer
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 from
obesity
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.
Hence
Linking Words
, immediate government intervention is
Correct your spelling
required
requried
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required
 to push consumers away from
junk
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food
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products
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
by
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apply
show examples
placing
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
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 tax
rate
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rates
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 on
such
Linking Words
products
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
sends out a signal to fast
food
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 companies to change
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 field of competition. With higher
taxes
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,taxes
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 consumption of fast
foods
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 would drop, and in order to avoid
Linking Words
further
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the further
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 downfall of the
market
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 leaders would be nudged to shift
there
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their
show examples
Use synonyms
market
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a market
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 strategy to a service that would have higher demand in the near future.
Hence
Linking Words
, in the long
run
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,run
show examples
 it would reduce
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
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number
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 of
junk
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foods
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 provided by the
fast
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fast-food
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food
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market
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. A prime example of a company changing its competition field is FUJIFILM company in Japan. Originally the company sold film camera
products
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,
however
Linking Words
 seeing
the
Correct your spelling
them
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 fall in
there
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their
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market
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, they have shifted its
market
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 to medical
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equipment
equiptment
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equipment
. In conclusion, examining the detrimental effects of fast
food
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products
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, I strongly agree for governments to raise taxes on
such
Linking Words
 goods.
This
Linking Words
 way, it would save people
out of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 unhealthy diets, but
also
Linking Words
 create an opportunity for
junk
Use synonyms
food
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 markets to redesign their
Correct your spelling
business
bussiness
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business
 model.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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