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Writing Samples
Band 4

People nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effects on individuals and people around them?

#people #reason #effects #individuals
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it is important to consider how much we sleep each and every
day
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. A lot of
people
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 believe that our contemporaries sleep less than
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 living in the bygone days. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons for it and how
this
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 affects individuals as
such
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. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, a lot of
people
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 believe that many of us sleep less as compared to
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
living in the bygone days. The main reason for
this
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 is that we generally spend a lot of time working at offices
besides
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 regular working
hours
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. To illustrate, many
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working professionals nowadays spend roughly more than 8
hours
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 each
day
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 every
day
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 at their offices
respectively
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, which was quite unusual in the
gone
Correct word choice
past
show examples
 days, thereby, sleeping less every
day
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.
Furthermore
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, those who are learning new skills or preparing for major examinations may sleep less so that they can focus more, better.
For example
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, a person
while
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 working at a
corporate
Replace the word
corporation
show examples
 will sleep less so that he can study for prolonged
hours
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 to crack a major examination.
On the other hand
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, I would believe that
this
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 can affect
people
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 around us without a doubt.
Firstly
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, lack of sleep induces agitation and irritation and
therefore
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this
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 may tamper with our professional and personal relationships with both friends and peers.
In addition
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 to that,
this
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 behaviour may affect the
overall
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 morale of
people
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, working with us, rather negatively. To illustrate
this
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 point, a person, who sleeps sporadically, may find it hard to concentrate on his job, delivering poor performance every time. In conclusion, our fast-paced lives do not enable us to sleep for long
hours
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 in comparison to folks living a decade ago,
however
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,
this
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 may lead to agitation and bad behaviour.
Submitted by utsavchandel26sep on

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general
The essay has some relevant points, but there are issues with coherence and task achievement. More specific examples and clearer development of ideas are needed.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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