IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem.

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures
There are a lot of criminals who repeat their crimes after they were reconvicted. Certainly, the number of criminals depends on several reasons. And I would like to start with the
first
 of them.
Firstly
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society has
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
impact
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
level
 of
crime
.
For instance
, if
person
Add an article
the person
a person
show examples
 was growth in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 negative environment, he or she will repeat
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
. Unfortunately, in Russia there
a
Add a missing verb
are a
show examples
lot of small towns with
high
Add an article
a high
the high
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of robberies. It happened due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of workplaces and low salaries. Certainly, if
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
arrive
Change the verb form
arrives
show examples
 in
this
 place after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail, the
crime
 will be repeated.
Secondly
, some individuals have unequal mental
treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
show examples
.
Consequently
, despite on positive
impact
 of correction
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
labor
Add a comma
,labor
show examples
 they will do a
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
 again and again. There are several possible measures to decrease the
level
 of crimes after the
first
 punishment.
First
 of all,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should increase financial help to families who
lives
Correct subject-verb agreement
live
show examples
under
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
level
 of poverty. It will allow
Correct pronoun usage
us to
show examples
to provide
Change the verb form
providing
show examples
 children
all
Add the preposition
with all
show examples
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
 stuff for education.
Secondly
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 need
create
Fix the infinitive
to create
show examples
 a special program for people who did a
crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
show examples
.
This
 program must include financial
impact
,
list
Correct article usage
a list
show examples
 of possible workplaces. If somebody has mental treatment,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide them
different
Change preposition
with different
show examples
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of tablets. Certainly, the conditions in the jails must be comfortable and consist of all kinds of facilities. It is necessary to create
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 view
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 life and to involve criminals
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the free life. To put it
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nutshell, I suppose that the main
impact
 in the criminal sphere bring
government
.
That is
 why politics are responsible for
level
Add an article
the level
a level
show examples
 of
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
 and
crime
.
Submitted by anastasiya.tynisson on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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