IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #health
The youth generation of today's not able to access good
health
education
 to deal with their basic
health
-related problems.
Although
 there are some schools that give less priority to well-being subjects, I strongly believe it is necessary for every young
people
.
To begin
 with, knowledge of fitness should be compulsory for each and every scholar, as
people
 with great consciousness about their
health
 are always fit and happy.
In addition
, if a person with obesity wants to lose some weight and bulk up with some extra muscles, he/she would spend their spare time at the gym. As an example, it has been proven many times that
people
 who are spending more of their hours at the gym are found to be healthy.
Thus
, the importance of
health
education
 cannot be ignored.
Moreover
, students who are able to gain dietary
education
 at school have an extra benefit and they do not need to deal with an overweight body in the upcoming days.
Besides
this
, institutions
also
 need some basic physical training classes,
this
 not only develops their physical body but
also
 makes them mentally strong.
For example
, various studies conducted in Australia concluded that the number of healthy youth
people
 has been rose by 20% since 2013 due to the introduction of
health
education
 at schools. To conclude, while some academic centres are not focusing on the
health
 of young
people
, I believe that to become physically fit and happy, the school needs to teach students for
health
 classes on regular basis.
Submitted by kcbpin11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health education
  • Curriculum
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Exercise
  • Mental health
  • Hygiene
  • Practical skills
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Long-term benefits
  • Reduced healthcare costs
  • Academic performance
  • Well-being
  • Comprehensive health programs
  • Positive outcomes
What to do next:
Look at other essays: