IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

What are some of the factors in modern society that causes this stress and how we can reduce it?

#factors #society #stress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the modern era, the stressful become easier affects
people
Use synonyms
. It is because of the pressure and the workload that can't be handled by the
employees
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss the cause of the stress and the way to reduce it.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
era
Add a comma
,era
show examples
 the pressures have become higher and higher.
For example
Linking Words
, to follow the needs with the prices are more expensive, the
people
Use synonyms
 force themself to work more.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the amount of
jobs
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become less than before. It impacts the competition to get a job. Nowadays, the minimum standard to get good
jobs
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
bachelor's
Change the noun form
bachelors
bachelor
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 of the competition.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who have
jobs
Use synonyms
 will survive with their
jobs
Use synonyms
 ,
Linking Words
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 it will so stressful because
Add the preposition
of
show examples
pressure and working hours. A few of the options to be a worker has made
people
Use synonyms
 are under pressure,
furthermore
Linking Words
 the
company
Use synonyms
 willing to increase their profit which reduces the salaries and give more working hours. In one word, an
employee
Use synonyms
 has no option and is still forced to work at that
company
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are solutions to reduce the stress,
such
Linking Words
 as a guarantee of healthy with good salaries. But, the
employees
Use synonyms
 can't do it by themself,
this
Linking Words
 is why government must take responsibility. The change in the
regulation
Use synonyms
 will help the
employee
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of giving cash to the
employee
Use synonyms
. It will impact the
company
Use synonyms
 regulations too, and the
company
Use synonyms
 will guarantee the life of the
employee
Use synonyms
. No more overload of workloads and work hours,
also
Linking Words
 they get insurance for their health condition.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 must make a group to defend injustices of the
company
Use synonyms
's
regulation
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, to defend against injustice
regulation
Use synonyms
 of the companies, the government need to take charge to build a
regulation
Use synonyms
 to help the
employees
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
,
employees
Use synonyms
 must make a union and can discuss with the
company
Use synonyms
's regulator before they released the
regulation
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yudhajatmiko94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: