IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given?

#children #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Parenting comes with the great responsibility of disciplining their offspring. Penalties given to
children
 help them to differentiate
right
 from wrong. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I agree with
this
 statement and the kind of suitable punishments. I believe penalising
children
 helps them learn from their mistakes, take responsibility for their misbehaviour and develop a sense of self-control.
For instance
, if a 7-year-old boy hits his friends whenever he feels angry,
then
 violence will be learned as an acceptable action, so the penalty teaches him to understand the consequences of his actions and allows him to discover the
right
 attitude. On top of
this
,
children
also
 learn to model their parent's behaviour, so it is pertinent for them to show a good example in front of their
children
. A recent study showed that
children
 who grow up with alcoholic parents have a 50% risk of becoming alcohol abusers themselves.
Hence
 disciplining their heir needs to start with responsible parenting. What are the acceptable disciplinary actions? Disciplining should not be violent or painful, which may cause trauma to
children
 and defeats the aim of educating them, so they should be informed of the reason they are being punished, which should be done with warmth and affection.
Thus
, suitable punishments include positive reinforcements, taking away their privileges for a limited time, time-outs or adding chores to their to-do list. Ultimately, the objective is to make them learn
right
 from wrong. In conclusion,
children
 may help learn
right
 from wrong through punishment and parents modelling good behaviours. I firmly believe retribution should be done with warmth and without violence, which aims to educate the younger generation.
Submitted by Jane on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: