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Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that violence in the media, such as in television programs and films, directly results in violent behaviour. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #violence #media #television #programs #films #results #behaviour
Nowadays, there are more and more tv programs and movies with
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 scene, some
people
 believe that
this
 causes
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 activities,
this
Correct word choice
and this
show examples
 essay
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with
this
 statement. On the one hand, some
people
 may copy from the scene.
People
 especially teenagers may copy the
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 behaviours, as they are immature enough,
they
Correct word choice
that they
show examples
 cannot distinguish whether the behaviour is correct or not.
Besides
, some films describe the character who perform
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
 activities as heroes or popular students. After watching those scene in the movies, some students may think that fighting with each other
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 cool, they may
also
 bully others as they want to draw
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 attention and become popular at school.
Therefore
, they will copy
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and undergo the same activity
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
 other
people
 and
this
 will promote violent behaviour.
On the other hand
,
people
 tend to be less aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
violence
. When
people
 always watch
people
 fighting in tv programs, they may feel like it is normal to do so as it is always performed on tv,
this
 causes them not to think of the consequence of doing so. When they see
people
 fighting with each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
 on the street, they
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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