IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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In the modern world, children’s education has been crucially important in many ways. In my perspective, non-profit activities should be provided and applied to develop children in both physical and spiritual aspects. On the one hand, it doubtlessly thinks that those, which might waste students’ time
instead
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 of studying, should not be developed. Because learning is children’s main assignment which needs so much effort.
Otherwise
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, children will not be paid any visible things for their contribution. It will lead the unfair thoughts sometimes for their parents.
However
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, I firmly see that involving helpful other projects would have more benefits than drawbacks.
On the other hand
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, it is likely to balance teenagers’ emotions and abilities as known as the trend of their growth in the age of technology. It is beneficial to join the charity group as well as respect the things they have by encountering the poor or unfortunate. To illustrate, there are some environmental awareness raising and protection programs that teenagers went to directly in some areas
such
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 as Africa or Australia forest to observe the elusive animals or even witness the deforestation effects. Their journey was written and reported by the visual video to adapt to more audiences on social media. From
this
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 instance, students who are involved directly in the campaign may enhance their self – responsibility for
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
 thanks to their living experiences and determination.
For example
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, In conclusion, I am significantly convinced that the educational lecture system in high school should prioritize some community projects because of some above reasonable results.
Submitted by trangngo79 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
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