IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

some educationist arguer that non-exam arts-based subject, such as music, drama, art, and craft, should be compulsory in the secondary curriculum. They believe that activities such as these can improve over all academic performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#educationist #arguer #non-exam #music #drama #art #craft #curriculum #activities #performance
There is argue among educationists that
subjects
,
such
 as music, drama, art and craft should be the primary
subject
 in the secondary curriculum.
This
 is part of the
non-exam
subject
 that they believe in improving academic performance. From my perspective, I disagree because there is no guarantee that all the
students
 have a
passion
 to do
this
non-exam
 arts-based
subject
.
Firstly
, the amount of
subjects
 for the
students
 is too many. In
Indonesia
Add a comma
,Indonesia
show examples
 there are 14
subjects
 for high school, but when you take a test to continue your study in college only 6
subjects
 you need to study. In fact, all the
subjects
 aren'
t
 important,
moreover
, each child has their own
passion
. The recommendation from the educationist to make art-based
subjects
 to be compulsory is wrong,
for example
,
students
 will spend more time studying what they don'
t
 like
instead
 of taking more time learning about their favourite
subjects
.
Furthermore
, the
non-exam
 arts-based
subject
 is passionate
subjects
,
for instance
, without
full
Add a missing verb
being full
show examples
 of
passion
, there is no opportunity to have a good grade in
this
subject
.
This
 kind of
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on creativity
as a result
 of
passion
. All the kids have their own
passion
,
such
 as science, math, and art.
On the other hand
, even parents can'
t
 force their children to do what they want, whereas each child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own dreams. In conclusion, Educationists can force
students
 to study
non-exam
 art-based
subjects
. All the
subjects
 recently have learned to
students
, none of the
subjects
 they like and important for their
next
 level of education. Each child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own
passion
 and dreams, so no one can'
t
 force them to do what they don'
t
 like.
Submitted by yudhajatmiko94 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!