IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

In many countries, children are overweight and un healthy.Some people think the government should be held accountable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There has been an increasing number of overweight
kids
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 in many parts of the world.
This
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 leads to a major concern that it should be tackled with the responsibility of the national government.In my opinion, I agree with
this
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 statement that effective policy should be launched promptly.
To begin
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 with, the overweight stage brings about several
health
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problems
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.
This
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 means that all
children
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 should be raised with the proper nutritional control.With a sedentary lifestyle, they may enjoy eating fast foods while playing video games.
As a result
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, their body weights may gradually rise without awareness.
Parents
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 may
initially
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 be negligent about their
children
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's
health
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 until they get
health
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problems
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.
For example
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, advertising unhealthy foods may convince the
kids
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 to force their
parents
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 to purchase, so they may expose to unsaturated fat and extra calories that cause obesity.When their
children
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 get overweight,
parents
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 may ignore it because it has no immediate effects.If any
children
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 are diagnosed with Diabetes, a serious
health
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 illness that results from poorly control of sugar intake, it may be too late to cope . There are numerous consequences of obesity that may hinder both childhood and national development.
In other words
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, obese
kids
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 may encounter preventable diseases.
For instance
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, the metabolic
problems
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 that lead to hypertension ,diabetes mellitus and cardiovascular diseases in the young.
Such
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 chronic diseases are heavy
problems
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 for the well-being of the overall nation.Government should pay attention to
this
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 problem as a prevention step, so it would minimize the unwanted issues in terms of costs of treatment.Since unhealthy
kids
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 should
finally
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 be adults with chronic
health
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 illnesses, the number of good citizens should be low.Thereby it is crucial for national authorities to take any action which mitigates the severity. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that childhood obesity is a major problem that needs immediate solutions.The national government should work together with
parents
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 to prevent their
children
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 from being overweight, so that sequential illnesses may not arise.

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