It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

It is stated that

individuals

Use synonyms

should be responsible for their own pensions, as the

government

Use synonyms

should not take

this

Linking Words

into consideration.

However

Linking Words

, many

individuals

Use synonyms

argue it is their own responsibility to provide

retirement

Use synonyms

,and

Imostly

Correct your spelling

I mostly

disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea. Admittedly, people should consider their

retirement

Use synonyms

for several causes. One of the obvious reasons is that personal financial responsibilities incentivize better future financial planning.

This

Linking Words

means that they will calculate their expenses,and after analyzing,

this

Linking Words

pattern encourages them to save their money.

Additionally

Linking Words

, if citizens provide their own pensions, the authorities might divert their money from

this

Linking Words

to other social services,

such

Linking Words

as education, and health care.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Finland, a significant proportion of the population supplies their own savings;

consequently

Linking Words

, the country focuses on

signigicant

Correct your spelling

significant

sectors.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

, despite

retirement

Use synonyms

fund planning helping the country, it leads to inequality among city dwellers. A primary reason is that relying solely on personal savings might contribute to difficulties. As long as, not many

individuals

Use synonyms

are sufficiently affluent to secure future finances,

prodiving

Correct your spelling

providing

their own

retirement

Use synonyms

pushes them into trouble.

For instance

Linking Words

, in Azerbaijan, more and more people are at a low-income level which does not sound enough good to provide

their

Change preposition

for their

show examples

own

retirement

Use synonyms

Furthermore

Linking Words

, I think that it is the duty of the

government

Use synonyms

to fund the pension system owing to

individuals

Use synonyms

contributing to the

government

Use synonyms

through taxes and labour during their working years.

Hence

Linking Words

, providing

retirement

Use synonyms

plays a significant role in respecting their senior citizens. In conclusion,

while

Linking Words

funding their own

retirement

Use synonyms

fosters individual accountability and helps the

government

Use synonyms

to allocate its budget to other socioeconomic parts, I am of the opinion that authorities should be responsible for

this

Linking Words

and it is their duty.

ilkin.abdullaev04

Nov 18, 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your main points are clearly supported with detailed examples. This will make your argument stronger.

coherence cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow of your essay by improving paragraph transitions and connections between ideas.

coherence cohesion

You provide a clear introduction and a concluding paragraph that summarizes your stance effectively.

task achievement

You tackle both sides of the argument and offer relevant examples, demonstrating a balanced view.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

281 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

retirement savings
financial planning
economic circumstances
government provision
basic state pension
financial independence
income disparities
aging populations
social safety net
tax burden
financial education
quality of life
personal financial responsibility
social inequality

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