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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, few young people go to musical concerts or performances at theatres. Why is this the case?, should young people be encouraged to participate in musicals and other types of performances?

#countries #people #concerts #performances #theatres #case #musicals
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In certain nations, it has been noted that a small number of adults visit musical shows or
performances
Use synonyms
 at the theatre,
this
Linking Words
 is so because of the influence of modern
music
Use synonyms
 and idols.
However
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the young
generation
Use synonyms
 should be supported to partake in
musics
Change the wording
music
kinds of music
pieces of music
show examples
 and other various events in order to keep the culture of the country alive.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the main reason behind the decline in
population
Add an article
the population
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 of young people going
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 musical concerts or
performances
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 is the influence of new
music
Use synonyms
 on them.
This
Linking Words
 is owing to the fact that the younger
generation
Use synonyms
love
Change the verb form
loves
show examples
 the genres of songs that are currently released by the new age artist and
also
Linking Words
 the style of beating in which
they
Correct your spelling
the
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 song flows. They
also
Linking Words
 love the noise generated while listening to the playlist, and so feel that the contemporary
music
Use synonyms
 is too monotonous and slow for their liking. Another point worth noting is that the youngsters take the recent musicians as their idol because their way of living, dressing and the type of songs
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 release appeals to their own way of life. Davido the
afro beat
Correct your spelling
afrobeat
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 singer
for instance
Linking Words
 is seen by many teenagers as their role model owing to the fact that his lifestyle is something that they love and his song is a vibe for them.
Hence
Linking Words
performances
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 at the theatre
is
Change the verb form
are
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 seen as
been
Wrong verb form
being
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old fashioned
Add a hyphen
old-fashioned
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 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young adults and
that
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apply
show examples
contemporary artists do not
understanding
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understand
show examples
 their body language.
However
Linking Words
, keeping the tradition of the nation
on
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apply
show examples
going is the major factor
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 motivating the younger
generation
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 in contributing to
Use synonyms
music
Add an article
the music
show examples
 industry and other
performances
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.
This
Linking Words
 means most of the musical and theatre
performances
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 are cultural displays and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
help in connecting the people to what has been set up by their ancestors
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as
such
Linking Words
 if they do not participate to take up from where the older
generation
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 stopped, the culture of the nation will die out
thus
Linking Words
 leading to lots of mistakes.
For example
Linking Words
, a report carried by
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
 magazine revealed that many youths do
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
jot
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 understand the traditions of their land following musical festivals. To reiterate, in as much as modern
music
Use synonyms
 and artist has influenced the lifestyle of the young people, the tradition of the country should not be allowed to disappear and so the youths should be encouraged to partake in
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
 industry and
performances
Use synonyms
 of different event.
Submitted by agozie2018 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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