Large companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#companies #sport #events #products #people #impact #sports

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In the modern world, health plays a crucially important role in many lives. many businesses find it as

well known

Add a hyphen

well-known

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as the customer insight to emphasize the main key point in their campaigns. So more sporty advertisement events would be designed by big corporations to approach their products.

Change preposition

From

show examples

my perspective, it is beneficial and ethical to use

this

Linking Words

method for society to raise physical well-being with the lower government’s burden. On the one hand, it doubtlessly argues that the firm should separate significantly the campaign with commercial purposes or community ones. Those, who might join these kinds of events because of receiving recognition and impact on

sports

Use synonyms

images than those who do not.

This

Linking Words

happened may

potential

Change the adjective

potentially

show examples

due to

Linking Words

the brand items’ display

such

Linking Words

as clothes, hats, and so on.

However

Linking Words

, I firmly exposed that the benefit outweighs the

drawback

Fix the agreement mistake

drawbacks

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. Following the human psycho, awarding would be something to motivate them to break their barriers so I was convinced that some big corporations hold

sports

Use synonyms

campaigns in order to raise their consumer’s brand awareness and create a

sports

Use synonyms

environment for both their personnel and customers, especially some big financial companies

such

Linking Words

as Manumove marathon by Manulife (the top ten financial giant). At that event, the participants, who

are

Wrong verb form

were

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Manulife customers or staff, who

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

not, were fascinated to have the new races.

Furthermore

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

well-being awareness raising may

Unnecessary verb

apply

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shoulder the Government’s burden.

Instead

Linking Words

of releasing a budget for raising health conditions for both awareness and facility development, the firms have already taken charge of aiming to develop individual health standards, which leads the less disease in areas

such

Linking Words

as obesity, cardiovascular, and so on. In conclusion, in spite of some arguments, it is likely to advance events with

sports

Use synonyms

themes in many big companies that I agree with it because of some reasonable reason above.

Submitted by trangngo79 on Fri Jul 15 2022

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coherence cohesion

Work on varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and make the essay more engaging.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph topic sentence clearly introduces the main idea of the paragraph. This can improve the overall flow and coherence.

task achievement

While the essay addresses different perspectives, delving deeper into counterarguments and refuting them thoroughly can strengthen the task response.

general language use

Improve grammatical accuracy to avoid small mistakes in areas such as article usage, punctuation, and verb tense. This can elevate the overall score.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear position on the topic, stating that the promotion of products through sports events is beneficial and ethical.

task achievement

The example of the Manumove marathon by Manulife is relevant and supports the argument effectively.

coherence cohesion

Each paragraph deals with a distinct point, helping to organize the essay logically.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

308 words

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Large companies use sport events to promote their products. Some people think this has a negative impact on sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people think that men and women have different qualities, therfore caertain jobs are suitable for men and others women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

In many cities, an increasing number of people do not know their neighbors and there is a lack of a sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

Some people say history is one of the most important school subjects. Othe people think that in today's world subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both points and give your opinion

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?