IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Others think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
It is true that the economy has an indispensable role to play in many realms of contemporary society. Some individuals harbour a belief that advertising is the foremost method to stimulate customer consumption,
whereas
 others hold the reverse viewpoint. From my perspective, it is a controversial issue which deserves an in-depth discussion.
Initially
, the front and centre in its favour are that advertisers promote their products through innovative advertising content.
In other words
, customers would be willing to spend money to try these items with impressive scenes, in order to successfully drive purchases.
Moreover
, considering capturing the audience's attention, these industries may invite famous celebrities to endorse goods to
imply to
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 citizens to buy them. The celebrity effect is a salient example. These indicate that skillfully designing advertisements could persuade individuals to consume them. At the other end of the spectrum,
due to
 the continuous emergence of advertising lines or pictures, these consumers gradually
are becoming
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 numb to advertising, even ignoring their presence.
For instance
, some experts point out that the advertisement of Uber Eats is unattractive just because it appears too often and the content is confusing.
Besides
 the aforementioned, people occasionally realize that the extent to which designs of ads are too general, and cannot show off distinctive competencies.
According to
 the latest official statistics conducted by the Ministry of the Interior in Taiwan, over 80% of citizens are not interested in too common advertisements. Based on
such
 compelling evidence, it shows that those ads without features cannot get the attention of the public. In conclusion, the most important key to an advertisement whether successful is the design of the quality. At the same time, I personally believe the same way that appealing ads which are not common would
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 individuals to spend money on them.
Therefore
, it is imperative that advertisers should pay more attention to the content.
Submitted by a0111590317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more balanced discussion of both views with equal weightage.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a more consistent and logical organization of ideas, with a clearer introduction and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: